


Starlight

by Sweet_Freedom_Gal



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Bisexual Bella Swan, Death, F/F, F/M, Gen, God of War Jasper Whitlock, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Humor, Immunocompromised OC, Immunodeficiency, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, Past Lives, Rebirth, Reincarnation, Sister-Sister Relationship, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:02:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25756306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Freedom_Gal/pseuds/Sweet_Freedom_Gal
Summary: ‘She was a star, and I am the planet obliterated in her supernova.’Madeline F. Swan is immunocompromised, and has lived most of her life kept at a distance, like she's a bright, burning star that scorches any planet that revolves too close. The only person who can never seem to distance herself enough for her own good is Madeline's little sister and best friend, Bella. It's Bella who convinces her to move to Forks, Washington, and it's there that things get weird. Madeline encounters someone oddly charming, then someone... familiar, and things quickly fall apart (and into place) from there.Follow Madeline F. Swan as she arrives in Forks, and shortly there after dies. (Only not really.)*This work is already completed and is going to be posted consistently over a matter of weeks.*
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Bella Swan, Bella Swan & Original Female Character(s), Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Jasper Hale/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 232





	1. Chapter 1

“She’s sick,” I hear Bella whisper to Renee as I sit in the backseat, resting against the headrest as my sinuses’ insistent pressure keeps my head pounding and the pain is frankly getting unbearable. “It’s probably just a cold, with a bit of sinus, but I’m getting her to the doctor when we get there. I’m keeping an eye on it, Mom, so don’t worry.” I want to roll my eyes, because I am supposed to be the older sister here. The overprotective one. But I haven’t gotten the chance to act like it for a while. I’ve been a sickly kid for most of my life, born to two young parents who were told I might not make it through my first night on earth. But like we often joke, I’m too stubborn to die. 

Well, we did joke about that- my sister, my mom, and me- until I got pneumonia when I was sixteen, and came just a smidge too close to death to ever let anyone ever relax again. At least, that’s what it feels like to me. God, you say goodbye to your family, thinking you’re about to die  _ one time _ \- and suddenly it’s no longer fun to joke about me being not quite able to die. Even though life is really, really tiring sometimes. Not to say I want to die, but like, it’d be nice to just close my eyes and dream forever. 

Dreaming is always so much easier than being alive. 

I only ever awake with vague glimpses of what I dreamed of the night before, but I always wake up and feel like I just had to say goodbye to my best friend because it’s getting dark and my mom’s calling for me, but all I really want to do is lie in the grass with them all night. And sometimes I feel like I did when I woke up from surgery after saying goodbye to my family that November night when I was sixteen. Like, I was alive, when I really should be dead. I wake up, breathing and mostly well, and I feel- empty. Alone. Like my best friend moved away and I didn’t get to say goodbye the way I wanted to, and now I sit alone. Well, not really alone. I’m always surrounded by a few people I could possibly consider friends, but every interaction feels lacking somehow. Unreal. It has since I went back to school that January. 

Is it selfish to wish I’d died that night, during that risky surgery? I already know the answer’s an emphatic ‘ _ Yes! _ ’ but I can’t stop myself from asking those type of questions. Even when my sister crawls into my bed and hugs me tight, tears soaking into my thick red hair, sometimes I just want the peace I feel when I dream, because I never feel quite as alone as I do when I’m awake. 

“Is your head still hurting?” Bella asks in her low voice as she climbs into the seat next to me, and I sigh as I nod, flinching at the pain that comes with the action. “Any vertigo?” I don’t respond for a second and Bella’s voice is colored with concern. “Do you feel like you’re going to throw up, Maddie?” I snap. 

“Bella, you’re hovering is making me want to throw up, can you just please stop talking?” The car is silent, Phil and Mom’s conversation falling quiet, too, and I sigh, squeezing my eyes shut tighter as the guilt overwhelms me once more. Today is a bad day. “No- No vertigo. It’s just my head. I’m sorry I snapped it just- It hurts, okay?” Bella’s hand finds my own and she squeezes slightly. 

“With all the rain, your allergies hopefully won’t be as bad. No dust in Washington, too,” Bella comments awkwardly, and I nod, sighing as I hear Bella go through her trusty bag before she hands me the sunglasses I always wear, my ear plugs, my water bottle, and two aspirin. The lowered sound helps some, the diminished light helps a lot, and the aspirin I take with the water helps tons. God, what did I do to deserve Bella? 

“Thanks, Belle,” I murmur, and she squeezes my hand once more, and I know she gets the message, because she taps ‘NP’ in morse code onto my palm, meaning ‘No problem.’ We’d learned morse code during one of my prolonged hospital stays when I was ten and she was nine. It was over that long summer I was obsessed with the Civil War and sending secret messages through dots, lines, and dashes. We’d tried to create our own code, but were wildly unsuccessful, so we simply learned the standard, which has come in handy over the years. (Like when I was saying goodbye, I’d tapped, ‘ILY,’ into her palm, and it took her until I was succumbing to the anesthesia to calm down enough to tap her response, the last thing I processed before the dark being, ‘ILY2.’)

Mom hugs me as tight as she dares, cause I have always been on the- skinny side. I’m slender, a bit taller than average, with little muscle- but I’m not fragile. I’m not. I’m also very pale. I always look half dead, but that comes with the territory of being a fuckin’ zombie. “Be safe, Madeline Fay Swan, you hear me?” she says, and I hate how my playful mother is only ever stern with me. I hate that I can’t fault her for it, either. 

“We both know I’m too stubborn to die,” I attempt to joke, and her smile grows fake, her blue eyes sad, and I pinch my lips. “I will be, Mom. And Bella is there to hover when you can’t, and you trust her, don’t you?” Mom nods, the blue eyes we share tearful. It's amazing how I could look at her face and see what I’d look like if I was older and healthy. By amazing, I mean- terribly depressing. Because I know that Mom sees the same thing when she looks in the mirror. Me, grown and healthy and happy. Me, without precarious health. Me, without the need to obsessively watch out for potential human contact because of the potential germs that could compromise my health. 

Immune deficiencies suck like that. 

I salute Phil, and Bella and I go past security and board our flight to Seattle, where my sinuses meet a new kind of hell at the higher altitude, and I get a small moment of respite when we get off briefly in Seattle. But all too soon we board a smaller, more rickety plane to Port Angeles, where our father, the Sheriff of the small town of Forks, Charlie Swan, stands like an awkward tree beyond baggage claim. Bella’s got his coloring and we all share the taller, more slender build, but my sister and father share the same kind brown eyes, serious set of their lips, and natural awkwardness concerning mostly everything. They both blush easily, too, which I’ve always found hilarious, as like my mother, I'm a bit shameless. The bright fluorescents of the airport make me keep my sunglasses on, hiding my sensitive blue eyes, but with the diminished crowds I feel okay taking out the ear plugs. 

The easy overstimulation of my senses is something I’ve been dealing with my whole life, so most pictures I’m in I’m either grimacing or wearing sunglasses. Dad gifted me a pair of wayfarer Ray Bands when I was recovering from pneumonia in Phoenix that Christmas, coming to give them to me himself, even though he and Renee were still not on the best of terms. They always work together when it comes to me- mostly because Bella forces them to. 

“Maddie, Bella,” Dad smiles at us, pulling Bella into a hug, and then holding me in a longer hug, which makes me smile slightly, because I’ve missed him, too. The last time I saw him was over summer, where we spent a few weeks in San Diego, and I wasn’t sick, as I am currently. “It’s good to see you girls,” he murmurs as he finally lets me go, his eyes shining as he appraises me, and I know I don’t look too great, so I can’t hold back my sheepish smile. He smiles at me, “Love the glasses, I’m glad you’re still using them. Uh-” he glances at Bella as he says, “I made you an appointment, Maddie, after your first day of school- Bella called me.” I already kind of knew that, having eavesdropped on Bella’s conversation with Mom, so I just nod. 

I lay down in the backseat with my sunglasses on for the hour long drive to our new home, Forks. It could be considered our old home, since we lived there ‘til I was four and the stress of my sickness cracked my parent’s marriage in half and Mom bolted to a city with better hospitals and warmer weather. The only reason she is letting me live in Forks now is because Charlie has assured her that their hospital is properly staffed with competent doctors. Or, he really just mentioned one fantastic surgeon, Dr. Cullen, who I guess will be treating me. I think we’re all hoping I won’t need any treatment, but when has anything I hoped for come true? 

Like, I always wished that I could feel like I do in my dreams when I’m awake. Happy. At peace. Whole. I drift in and out of consciousness as Bella and Dad murmur conversation. 

“Maddie,” Bella whispers, and I blink open my eyes. I must’ve fallen asleep on the long winding roads, I feel so groggy. “Charlie got us a car.” That wakes me up, and I inelegantly scramble to sit up and take off my sunglasses to look out the window, where I squint through the rain to see a great big, hulking rust bucket. It looks- perfect. Probably because it’s old. I’ve always liked old things, so has Bella, to a lesser degree. Bella wishes she was born a character in a Jane Austen novel, while I have always preferred a good ole Western. Get me a cowboy over an Englishman any day. 

“Wow… It’s old.” Bella smiles, a gleam of excitement in her eyes. 

“I know, right?” 


	2. Chapter 2

I head to bed early that night, as to avoid the loud laughter of the young Jacob Black, who is clearly enamoured with Bella, and to also avoid said sister’s pestering. I know, trust me, I  _ know _ … She just wants to look out for me… but sometimes I just want to be- or even just to feel-  _ normal _ . To not be me, Madeline F. Swan, the girl who’s getting quite tired of living a life distanced from all those around me. I can take the disease. I can take the constant sickness and stress over staying healthy- as long as people actually cared about me, instead of caring only for my health or avoiding me because- because… Okay, it’s like this. 

I’m the Sun, and all those who revolved too close got scorched and burned when I almost died. So now, they’d all rather keep their distance, treat me coldly and impersonally, than dare to try and know me, because I could get sick and actually die this time, and I could break their hearts. No one wants to take the risk. Well, no one besides my family- the only people who try to stay close, even when I push them away. Mom hovers. Dad shows he cares in his frequent phone calls for updates on how I’m doing. And Bella… She’s always been my lifeline. 

She was there and she was strong when all I wanted to do was give in to the dark. Bella’s been by my side through everything, and I don’t think I could make it without her. I wish I was strong, or that there were other people, so I didn’t have to depend so heavily on her. Because  _ Lord _ , when have we ever gotten the chance to just be kids? To just be a little careless for awhile? We’ve spent so many summers inside, away from the world, and I can’t help but blame myself for Bella’s lack of true friends. She has me, but what happens if I get sick and I- and I actually die this time? 

What happens if we run out of miracles? 

Who will she have? Dad? He barely knows her. Mom? She’s finally free to travel the country the way she’s longed to since before I can remember, and Bella would just feel guilty taking her away from that… If I die, who will she tap messages to? Who will she dote on? Who will she cry to? 

That’s why I have to stay alive. For Bella, my best friend and little sister. For she who has always believed in me, and always will. 

I stare up at the ceiling of my room- which used to be Charlie’s before he turned his downstairs office into a bedroom- and try to clear my mind and fall asleep, but before I’m successful, there’s a quiet knock on my door. I know instantly that it’s Bella. I’d forgotten she can never sleep alone in a strange place the first few nights. “Come in,” I say quietly, and she peeks her head of mussed brown hair in, wet eyes pleading, and I scoot over, pulling back the blankets enough for her to slide in next to me. I lay on my back, my head pointed towards her in the darkness, light blue eyes tracing her profile as rain and wind wash against the roof. That must’ve been what was keeping her up, because it’s only as it begins to quiet that she relaxes into sleep, allowing me to finally give into the rest pulling at my eyes, at peace knowing that my sister sleeps soundly beside me. 

My dreams are as vivid as usual, but just as confusing and nonsensical as they’ve always been. When I wake up, I find Bella looking at me oddly. “Who’s Jasper?” My brow furrows in confusion, because I don’t think I’ve ever met someone named Jasper, though something about it feels familiar as I mouth it, ‘Jasper?’ before asking: 

“What do you mean?” 

“You said ‘Jasper’ in your sleep,” she explains bluntly, and I don’t stop staring at her in confusion. “Multiple times.” Like that helps to explain it. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever met someone named Jasper, nevermind dreamt of him… But then again, my dreams have always been confusing,” I explain to her, running a hand through my red hair. “Vivid, but I can never remember what they were, just what I felt...” Bella’s lips pinch, before she bites her lower lip, looking at me with concerned eyes. 

“You sounded- fond of him…” she murmurs, studying my face with her usual unreadable features, before shaking her head. “Nevermind, it must’ve just been in your dream... ” she says, even as she sounds disbelieving, her eyes guarded yet troubled as she avoids my gaze. When she attempts to get up, I grab her hand and pull her back down. 

“Bella, is there something you’re not telling me?” She bites her lip again, shrugging awkwardly, not meeting my eyes, her hand squeezing my own tightly. 

“You’ve called for him before.” 

“When?” She swallows and when she finally meets my eyes, I instantly already know when. She always has the same devastated look in her eyes when we talk about those precarious days where my life was balanced on a tightrope. One wrong step… and I’d fall down, taking her with me. It is a truth I can’t deny. Like Bella is my lifeline, I’m her’s. So when the fates cut my thread, they’re cutting hers, too. 

“When you were dying… The fever was horrible, and for a long time you were delirious. You’d- You’d call for him. I clearly remember you saying… “ her voice gains a soft, subtle southern accent, her eyes staring off into the distance as she recites from memory, “‘ _ Jasper. Where is he, Belle? Where’s my husband? Jasper, come home before I’m gone, but don’t let Papa know. Jasper, he’ll kill you, but I’m dyin’, and I can’t go ‘til I see you again, please, Jasper, please come home _ .’ Over and over, crying. No one could explain it, and we were so glad when you came back to yourself, we just- didn’t ask, because you didn’t mention remembering any of your fever dreams or bouts of deliriousness.” 

“Did I… say anything else, when I was like that? I don’t remember any of it.” 

“You kept calling me ‘Belle’ and didn’t recognize Mom or Dad, speaking in a southern accent for some reason… But mostly you just begged me to find this Jasper before you were gone, whispering that I’d have to be careful not to let ‘Papa’ find out you married ‘that Whitlock boy.’ It was… really scary, Maddie. You were begging for him, to see him before you d-died, and when he never came- you’d just cry and cry and c-cry-” Bella’s shaking with sobs by the end of her explanation, and I pull her close to my chest, laying her head over my heart. 

“Shh- shh… Just- listen to my heart, Bella,” I whisper, stroking her hair as the rain hits the window, falling into the role of the comforting older sister easily. “I’m here. I’m alive. We don’t have to talk about it anymore, okay? It doesn’t matter now. We made it, and now we just have to get ready for school, okay? We’ve just got to get through a few days after today, then we have the whole weekend to hug and cry, but we’ve got to get ready now…” Bella shudders and nods, looking up to me with tearful eyes that take in my every feature, especially my alert light blue eyes, before she swallows and nods. 

“I’ll- go get dressed.” I smile lovingly at her as she gets up, looking back twice before she shuts the door behind her. I collapse against my still warm bed, squeezing my eyes shut as I’m made aware of my pounding skull, but I’m happy to note the pressure in my sinuses isn’t as horrible as it was yesterday. Thank the Lord. I groan as I roll out of bed and dress in my thick dark blue sweater and worn grey jeans with my brown belt and pink scarf wrapped around my neck. I grab my emerald green bag and long, thick black raincoat as I exit my room and go downstairs to see Dad finishing his coffee and Bella narrowing her eyes at every empty cabinet she opens, before opening her mouth as she looks to Dad, who waves to a jar labeled plainly, ‘Money.’ 

“Lunch, gas money, any groceries you need, and anything else. It’ll be filled up every week. I know I’m not around much, so I wanted to make sure you can get whatever you need when you need it.” Dad stands with a sigh, looking at me with soft eyes as he takes out a small sliver of plastic I recognize as my new insurance card. “Remember, 3 o’clock today at Forks Hospital, with Dr. Carlisle Cullen- there’s no co-pay.” Nice. 

“Thanks, Dad,” I smile, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. My smile turns to one of amusement when his cheek colors red like Bella’s as he waves me away, even with a fond smile on his face. “See you girls tonight,” he points to me, “Call me after your appointment, Maddie. I want to know everything, even if it’s nothing, alright?” 

Bella speaks up for me, “I’ll make sure she does, Ch- Dad.” Dad looks at Bella and then back at me as I speak, as to draw attention away from Bella’s slip. 

“I always call you right after my appointments, Dad. Don’t worry, okay?” He nods, waves goodbye and leaves for work. 

“Nice of him to stay to see us off,” I comment as I pull on my raincoat over my thick sweater, watching as Bella nods idly, eyes coasting over the faded sunshine yellow of the cabinets, her eyes falling on the absolutely pouring rain outside the kitchen window, looking depressed. “Do you ever wonder if Mom and Dad would’ve stayed together if I’d never been sick?” I ask suddenly. Bella blinks at my inquiry, shock splayed on her features, before her eyebrows furrow with anger. Relief brakes inside my chest and I fight a victorious smirk. I have successfully gotten her out of her mood. 

“Mom hates Forks, Dad loves Forks- it’s as simple as that, Maddie. Don’t blame yourself for something that would’ve happened eventually anyway.” She shakes her head, as if to dislodge the notion entirely of it being my fault Dad is still alone, years later, as she stomps out, waiting for me to exit before she locks up the house. “God- I can’t imagine Mom living in Forks without going insane. She’s always hated small towns and rain and forests, and their lack of hospitals was just another excuse to book it. You know that!” She stops, looking at me with narrowed eyes as I smile innocently before diving into the rain with my hood up and sunglasses on, Bella stumbling after me. 

The cab is nice and dry and from what little I can smell, smells strongly of peppermint, leather, and tobacco. Bella’s staring at me in disbelief, shaking her head as she turns to start the car. The truck’s roar of life makes us jump, steadying out at top volume. I’m glad I popped those pain pills when I brushed my teeth, or else this would be unbearable. I tap my pocket to make sure I have my ear plug case, and take it out to slip them in, before relaxing into the light leather seat. 

“I can’t believe you got me out of a mood by playing the ‘I’m Feeling Guilty’ card!” Bella yells over the engine, sounding annoyed, but she’s fighting a smile, so I count that as a victory. 

“I just know you too well!” I say loudly, fiddling with the radio, which actually ends up working. So, score one for the Swan sisters. I grin as I find the eighties station, which Bella rolls her eyes at. Bella doesn’t listen to a lot of music, but most of what she prefers is classical stuff Mom used to play when we were young, trying to inspire great minds. All it did for me was make me appreciate songs with lyrics all the more. I love any song that holds meaning, and that can make me feel- anything. Anything at all. Some classical pieces can make me feel, but love ballads beat them out every time. Folk music’s great, too, and I bet there’s a station around here somewhere for that, but for now, the 80s station is good. 

Forks High is off the interstate like everything else, and I don’t let the stares that follow our entrance to the parking lot bother me, mostly because I’m used to the attention. No one here knows about my immune problem, so they’re probably just going to stare because we’re new and shiny. I check my watch, which tracks my heartbeat because of the heart murmur I gained after my near death, to see we’re a little later than we planned to be, given our conversation this morning. I hurry Bella with an insistent wave, pushing her shoulder once before diving into the rain, my bag thrown over my shoulder. It isn’t a normal canvas bag, it’s waterproof, which I’m glad for, since I really don’t want to look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame with it under my raincoat like some of the other kids I notice. 

I sigh in relief as we get under the overhang, but resist pulling down my hood, knowing my red hair is an automatic attention grabber, given it’s the same shade of red as a stop sign, with highlights the color of fire. Bella- unused to the hood of her raincoat- pulls it down immediately, and I can tell from her immediate look of regret she’s noticed the stares we’ve garnered. It’s her fault she’s so pretty. She’s always admired anywhere we go, while most people leave me alone because I have a natural bitch face. 

I tilted my head towards the office and we head inside, and I’m greeted immediately by bright fluorescents I pray to god aren’t what all this school is lit by. I wince, even with my sunglasses on, my lip pulling into a grimace, and Bella looks at me with pity before turning to a woman sitting behind a desk/half wall that cuts the already small room in half. She’s got artificially red hair with grey roots clashing with her purple t-shirt, the plack pasted to the counter dubs her ‘Mrs. Debra Cope, Head of Office Administration.’ 

Bella waves me back, and I thankfully leaned back against the wall beside the door, closing my eyes as I take in deep, even breaths, mentally bracing myself for the headache I’m going to have for the rest of today, given most schools don’t appreciate my look, thinking I only wear the sunglasses to look cool and aloof- which is only part of the reason. After Bella collects our stuff, I begin to listen when Bella leans towards Mrs. Cope, her voice low and pleading, “My sister is really sensitive to light, so she usually wears sunglasses when there’s fluorescents-” 

“I’m sorry Miss Swan, but it’s against the dress code.” Bella tries to argue, and I appreciate the effort, but she’s not very effective. 

“She gets migraines-” 

“Bella, it’s fine,” I say, pulling off my sunglasses, revealing my bloodshot, light blue eyes with purple bags, already red from irritation, squinting against the light and at Mrs. Cope, who withers slightly under my stony stare, before I look at Bella, “I’ll just have a headache everyday for five months. I’m sure that won’t negatively impact my already troubled health, and I’m sure our dad the Sheriff and my new doctor, Doctor Carlisle Cullen, will understand we have to abide by the school rules-”

“Wait-” Mrs. Cope cuts in, eyes wide and magnified behind the glasses she nervously pushes up her nose, “Why don’t I write you a note on the sheet you give to your teachers, and you can just bring in a doctor’s note after you see Dr. C-Cullen again. The Sheriff doesn’t need to intercede.” I smile blandly at Mrs. Cope as she scribbles something onto my blue sheet and slip on my wayfarer sunglasses again. 

“Thanks, Mrs. Cope- I knew I could count on you. Let’s get to class Bella, we’re running late,” I glance at my watch, mentally clocking my heartbeat as we step out of the office, and I glance around at the students watching us, before looking down at my schedule. 2D Art first, followed by U.S. History, Trig with Bella, gym (ugh), lunch, English, then lastly, Chem II. I hazard a glance at the map, take a look around, and wave goodbye to Bella, who is quickly intercepted by a boy with greasy black hair and skin problems. Her fault for looking like a nice person. 

I think my raised hood, sunglasses, and bitch face kept eager greeters to themselves, so I’m uninterrupted on my trek to my art class, which has exactly three other students and a stereotypical ‘Cool Old Guy Art Teacher’ in a classroom that looks- crowded. With supplies, old projects, and large tables that are all different shapes and sizes, fitting together like an odd jigsaw puzzle. I follow another girl’s que and take off my rain jacket, hanging it onto one of the hooks by the door, before turning to the teacher, a Mr. Jones, who’s wearing a jean jacket with a hawaian shirt underneath, his long mostly grey hair pulled back into a ponytail. He’s smiling kindly at me as I hand him the blue slip, his eyes flickering to my glasses then back to the paper, his lips pulling into an amused smile. 

“Nice to meet you, Madeline, I’m Mr. Jones, but most people just call me Dave,” he offers a hand, which I only nod at, conscious as I always am of germs. His brow furrows but my slight sheepish smile just makes him nod and drop it. “Now,” his eyes coast over the classroom as the bell rings, and he points towards the back table where a girl with short black hair is hunched over what looks like a journal, her hand scribbling in fast, almost frantic movements. “Go sit by Alice, would you please, she doesn’t have a partner.” I really hope there isn’t a reason for that. 

I nod my affirmative and make my way through the chairs and to the seat across from Alice, who still hasn’t looked up, so I just sit, sighing as I rub at my tired, already strained blue eyes. “Is it the lights?” says a sweet, bell-like voice from across from me, and look up, alarmed to be met by a pair of dark sparkling eyes set in a very pretty, finely boned face, wearing a grin so wide and bright it should be illegal. When I comprehend her question, I nod, sighing as I relax deeper into my plastic chair. 

“Yeah, the lights. They’re too bright and white. It both reminds me too much of the hospital and they’re just fuckin’ annoying.” She giggles at my swear, making my lips quirk slightly as I run a hand through my hair, drawing her attention to it with the movement. 

“Your hair is so pretty, like rose petals and fire,” she comments easily, and I smile back at her, though nowhere near as bright. I’m already starting to like this girl. Kind, sincere people are too few and far between. 

“Thanks. I’m Madeline Swan by the way, but most people call me Maddie,” I don’t offer a hand and she doesn’t either, just smiles at me. 

“I’m Alice Cullen. It’s nice to meet you, Maddie. Have you taken an art class before?” I purse my lips before tilting my head. 

“My junior year I started one, but I didn’t get to finish it. Got sick.” I don’t give more explanation than that, but Alice’s eyes seem to soften with some kind of understanding, though I don’t know what she thinks she knows. Lord, has Dad been talking about me? Wait, Cullen, as in- “Is your father Dr. Cullen?” Alice’s eyes brighten up again as she nods. 

“Yes, he’s my foster father. He adopted my two adoptive brothers and me, while Esme, his wife, fosters her twin nephew and niece since their mom died. So there’s seven of us in total, and people think us- odd. I’ll be honest, since we’ve moved here we’ve kind of been outsiders, which we really don’t mind, but people tend to avoid us.” 

I hum as I watch her slightly disheartened look, and ignore the pang in my heart that relates to her words too closely. I clear my throat to speak- to say something- when Mr. Jones, or Dave, speaks up with our assignment. 

“Since we’ve finally got an even number of students, I want everyone to stretch their portrait muscles and draw your partner in your preferred medium. Feel free to be creative in your interpretation, but I want to be able to recognize them, alright? Nothing too drastic, got it, Nathan?” A boy with messy brown hair goes red but nods as the class chuckles. I glance at Alice and know immediately I’ll be drawing her with charcoals. The sharp lines of her face would be lost with too much color, so I think to grab a few dark purple and violet colored pencils. I notice she grabs a colorful set of pastels, along with a few charcoal pencils, for my portrait. 

I work on a loose sketch of her side profile, adding pointed ears and wings with a flower picture frame, trying to get her perfect grin right, getting just a bit frustrated at how perfectly composed her features are, she’s- too perfect to truly convey. I’m thinking the word ‘Perfect’ too much. By the end of the class, I have a good start, but am a bit startled when I look across and see that Alice hadn’t drawn me as I look today- rather, she drew me looking like I was a portrait taken right out of the Civil War section of the history book, dress and posture in all, but still wearing a small smirk and my modern sunglasses, which I think is hilarious. 

She looks up at me with sparkling eyes when I can’t stop my laughter, grinning as she turns it better for me to see her sketch. “Do you like it?” she asks excitedly, and I nod, grinning back at her. 

“It’s- fantastic. Good lord, that’s funny. Where’d you get that idea from? Do I have ‘History Whore’ written across my forehead?” She giggles loudly, unapologetically, shaking her head. 

“No! I just got a feeling you're a- history buff. Not a- why’d you call yourself that?” she asks, smiling incredulously, staring at me with curious eyes. 

“Oh, y’know,” I shrug, eyes bright behind my sunglasses. “I’m a slut for history, what can I say?” I study her sketch closer and notice a necklace around my neck- more specifically, a medium sized locket with an ‘M’ encrusted in it. “That’s a cool necklace. I’ve always wanted a locket, but I couldn’t ever find something that-”  _ felt right _ “-I liked.” My eyes flicker away and then back to the sketch. We work silently until the bell shrieks, making me jump and wince as it rings inside my mind, my ear plugs not much of an obstruction, given I need to be able to hear normal things. “Good Lord, they sure make that sound as sharp as possible, don’t they?” I say as I rub my temple before packing up with the rest of the class. 

“What’s your next class?” Alice asks curiously as we walk up to the front together to hand in our sketches to Dave, who nods approvingly at us, before we grab our coats, her’s a lot nicer quality than mine. 

“Uh- U.S. History with Mrs. Gale-” Alice squeals. 

“My foster brother is in that class! I’ll walk with you. You’ll like him, he’s a history-” I raise an eyebrow over my sunglasses at her and she laughs, “I was going to say- he’s a history nerd like you.” I huff like I’m disappointed and not intrigued. 

“Well, he needs to get on my level, Al. If he doesn’t want to make sweet, sweet love to a history text, then I don’t want to meet him.” She has to stop she’s laughing so hard, before she catches her breath and points me towards my next class. 

“You might change your mind once you see him. Jasper’s a looker, like his twin, Rosalie.” My mind freezes at the name ‘Jasper,’ my heart skipping a step and I feel my watch vibrate in concern. “Bye, Maddie!” I force my face out of it’s shock and into an only slightly forced smile as I wave goodbye to Alice and enter the classroom, my mind whirling as my face falls flat as I absentmindedly give the blue slip to the old, sturdy looking lady who must be Mrs. Gale. 

It’s just a crazy coincidence, right? Jasper’s a common name… Oh, who am I kidding, no it’s not. “I don’t have a textbook for you at the moment, so you’ll share with your table partner,” I nod, “You can go sit there in the back, Miss Swan,” the old woman says, pointing towards a table set up for two, where I numbly walk, sitting in the chair by the window, taking out my notebook and absentmindedly reading the syllabus the old lady had given my numb hands in exchange for the slip. It outlines the units, and I see we’re nearing the chapter that begins World War II, a unit I enjoy studying, though I’m a bit bummed I missed the Civil War. 

My mind falls back to the name Jasper, my watch buzzing at the pounding of my heart. It’s just a crazy coincidence, right? That Bella should reveal that I’ve been saying ‘Jasper’ in my sleep for at least two years, and Alice’s foster brother just happens to be named the same as the person I’ve been dreaming of. I take off my glasses to rub my eyes, feeling unbalanced and disbelieving as I slip my glasses back on. Maybe I won’t even have to interact with him. Or maybe Alice is wrong and I won’t like him. Maybe she’s biased and he’s ugly- that would make ignoring him easier, wouldn’t it?

“Jasper Hale!” I hear Mrs. Gale greet, and my head shoots up to see the teacher debriefing the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen. He’s tall, built, and a bit tense, with shaggy golden hair. His features are sharp as glass, but somehow his lips are the softest things I’ve ever seen. For once, I'm glad for the bright lights, because they make the beautiful boy stand out in all his glory, even behind my glasses. His eyes are a stark contrast to his pale pallet, dark and piercing as he listens to the teacher, and I feel my breath catch in my chest when they finally fall on me. 

I know him. 

‘How?’ someone might ask. And if I answer honestly, I’ll respond frankly with-

No fucking clue. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comment section below! <3


	3. Chapter 3

He walks towards me after a pregnant pause, his dark eyes never leaving my face as he takes me in. I feel like… Like I’ve just found something I didn’t know I was missing. He stops at the end of the table, the motion of him licking his lips drawing my gaze for just a moment, before they flicker back up to his intense stare, swallowing because my Lord, he’s so beautiful. He feels… familiar almost, in a fond way. My mind goes back to this morning, and Bella’s voice echoes inside my mind, ‘ _ You sounded- fond of him… _ ’ 

“Hello Madeline,” he murmurs, in a slow southern accent, something almost adoring coloring his voice. Automatically, I offer a hand, which is a very unnatural action to someone like me, and he takes it in a surprisingly cool one, even compared to my poor circulation. But the thing is, he doesn’t shake it, like I expect. He bends forward and presses a sweet, innocent kiss to the back of my hand, and I feel an uncharacteristic flush heat my cheeks, ignoring my watch vibrating, feeling absolutely enchanted. He looks up at me with glittering eyes as he straightens, but doesn’t let go of my hand for a moment, simply holding it as he says, “My name is Jasper Hale.” 

“I know,” I say dumbly, causing him to smile slightly, squeezing my hand once before, seeming reluctant, he lets it go, and it falls gently into my lap. Without the contact I blink back to myself, looking down to my open notebook. “Your sister Alice mentioned you, and Mrs. Gale called your name when you- when you came in.” I glance up as he nods, pulling out the chair beside me and sitting down. He pulls out a textbook, placing it perfectly between us. 

“She told you we’d be sharing this week, correct?” His voice was pitched low in the loud classroom, soft and- intimate somehow. I lean forward to better hear. He smells like something warm and familiar, like a campfire under a midnight sky, with something sharper underlining it, like spearmint and dark chocolate (and faintly, I smell gunpowder. How, when my nose is plugged up? I don’t know). I try in vain to clear my head, but he’s so close. So near. 

“Yeah- Yes, she did. Are you okay with sharing?” Jasper smiles at me, a bit bashful. 

“I’m okay with it if you are.” I smile slightly, nodding. 

“I’m good at sharing,” I boast in the same low, intimate tone he was using, trying to control the beat of my heart at how close this attractive boy is, getting conscious of the frequent sharp buzz of my watch with his every glance. Jasper’s eyes sparkle as his smile turns into a small smirk, and I know that my glance at his lips from behind my glasses was noticed somehow because his smirk widens, and I turn my head away and clear my throat, failing to find composure before I look back to him. 

“Usually I’m not,” his eyes gently coast from my chin to my hairline, before settling onto my eyes- not just my glasses- which makes me feel both exposed and seen at the same time. “But for you, I think I can make an exception.” His smile is soft and sweet, and somehow still makes me feel breathless. 

Mrs. Gale thankfully takes it upon herself to begin the class, and I dutifully turn my eyes to her, forcing my attention away from the very attractive man beside me, feeling like my scarf is a bit too tight. I can feel his eyes on me as I try to casually unwrap it, and then gently lay it in my lap, my nervous fingers playing with the knotted strings at the ends of the pink strip of fabric as I listen to Mrs. Gale’s lecture on the events leading up to World War II. I already know a lot, so it’s harder to ignore the fact that Jasper hasn’t looked away from me the entire class, and had even answered a question Mrs. Gale shot at him without turning away. She had huffed and gone back to her lecture, but had successfully drawn the class’s attention towards Jasper and I, and I wonder if they can feel the tension as keenly as I can. 

I doubt it. 

I am glad I’m wearing my sunglasses so they can’t see how many times I abort a glance towards him. Alice did say he’s a looker, but she didn’t mention he looks like a goddamn angel. Oh Lord, I really hope he doesn’t do this often. Doubt begins to gnaw in my heart, because it is absolutely insane to think that a handsome guy like him would see me as anything but an easy target, maybe just some prize, the Sheriff’s daughter. There is an edge of anger beating against my ribs and I try to tone it down, because I can’t know for sure… But I just don’t know what to feel because I’ve never seen him before today, and yet, he feels so much like a piece of a home I’ve been missing my whole life. 

Lord, I’m truly insane if I think that a guy like him will ever think about going for someone like me. 

This kind of thing doesn’t happen to me. I’m Madeline unFortunate Swan… Nothing special. Nothing important. My eyes shine behind my sunglasses and I can- I can almost taste his concern, like- like he can somehow know how I feel. Lord, have I been projecting on him this entire time? Bitterness sours my mouth and I douse that flame of hope that has grown within me in the cold waters of reality. He’s probably just being nice, and I am looking way too much into his actions. The bell rings. 

Thank the Lord.

I silently pack my bag, ignoring Jasper in favor of my sanity. If I outright ask him what the hell he wants, I’ll probably end up disappointed. So I just stay silent as I slip past him, pulling on my raincoat to head towards the science building. I’m halfway there when I realize why I’m feeling the cold wind against my neck- I’ve forgotten my damn scarf. Well, I can just say I got lost if I’m late. They’ll probably believe that, since it’s in another building. I turn around to go and grab it and run straight into a solid body which reaches out to steady me with one arm, the other pale hand holding my pink scarf. 

It’s Jasper. 

“You forgot this,” he mutters, seeming sad and it can’t be about me- we haven’t met before today! My shaky hand takes it, and I shove it into my jacket pocket. 

“Thanks, Jasper. I-” I shake my head, avoiding his intense gaze, “Goodbye.” I turn around and walk quickly to enter the science/math building. I enter the class I realize I share with Bella. If it wasn’t Trig, I might be happy about that. Mr. Varner makes Bella and I stand in front of the class and introduce ourselves, which means we don’t get the chance to catch up, and I can tell Bella knows I feel shaken by the concerned glances she keeps throwing my way throughout the boring lecture, her eyes flickering worriedly to me when my watch periodically buzzes with my anxiety. 

Just as we get the chance to talk near the end of class, when we’re supposed to be solving some practice equations and begin classwork, a girl with curly brown hair and a wide, insistent smile turns around in her seat to introduce herself as Jessica Stanley.

“I’m Maddie, that’s Bella,” I say, trying to focus on the questions in front of me instead of the ache in my chest. Because- if Jasper is another asshole who only wants one thing… I just know that the revelation would break me. It’ll just be simpler to- ignore him. Keep my distance and be an acquaintance instead of setting myself up to get my heart broken. Bella and Jessica chat idly as I work, until Jessica throws a question I have a feeling she’s been waiting this whole time to ask. 

“Is it true that Jasper Hale talked to you?” I freeze, and I hear Bella gasp softly at the name, but I nod stiffly anyway, not raising my eyes from my paper. “What’d he say?” 

“Nothing, really.” Which is true. There wasn’t much talking, just- tension. Probably mostly on my part. Jessica’s smile falls. 

“Really?” she sighs, slumping, looking disappointed. “The Cullen kids never talk to anyone, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.” That makes me pause as I remember Alice mentioning that they’d been ‘outsiders’ since they moved here, and that ‘people tend to avoid them.’ Oh. A small flicker of hope begins to light up my chest, before I mentally shake myself. I can’t make friends with someone I am so helplessly attracted to and risk getting close to him only for him to abandon me when it becomes clear how precarious my life is balanced, or that I am already falling for someone I barely had one conversation with. Maybe I can explain why I’m so guarded, and he’ll back off, and no one would have to get hurt- beside me, of course, but-

When did my feelings start to matter to guys I’ve liked? 

I can’t explain how many times some guy tried and failed to talk me into having sex with them because they falsely assumed that ‘The Sick Girl is Easy.’ Lord, how many times has Bella held me when I cried over another guy I let get close enough to hurt me? Too many times is the answer. I’ll just say it will be better if we aren’t friends. Why, he might ask. Well… I won’t say it’s because I think I fell in love with him over one introduction. No. I’ll say- 

‘I’m not the kind of person you can depend on.’ 

It’s the truth, isn’t it? 

My shoulders slump with that crushing realization. I glance at Bella, who’s listening to Jessica’s babble politely, even as her brown eyes periodically flicker to me, as unreadable as always except for the intention of- ‘I know something’s wrong, and you’re going to tell me’ set in her face. I just go back to focusing on the classwork, even knowing we’ll have time to finish them tomorrow. My need to rebuild the walls that Jasper just seemed to walk through is my priority at the moment. 

The bell rings, grating harshly in my ears, causing me to groan quietly, resting my forehead in my hands before Bella takes my hand and places two pills into my palm. I smile slightly at her in thanks before throwing them back and packing up for my next class- Gym, which I am dreading. Hopefully I can sit out today and get a doctor’s note for the rest of the year. Maybe I can be a TA or just write essays or keel over and die, instead. I tap, ‘CU,’ into Bella’s palm before squeezing it once and letting go to head towards the gym. 

Coach Clapp signs my slip before pointing me towards the bleachers, since I can’t dress out with the rest of the class, which I notice when the attendance is called includes Alice and Edward Cullen. The latter is a lanky boy with bronze hair and the same sharp features and dark eyes I’ve noticed in all of the Cullen clan so far. 

I lie down on one of the benches, my backpack my pillow and my sunglasses firmly in place as I fail to not think about Jasper. What does it even matter, anyway? I don’t owe him or anyone else anything. Well, that’s a lie. I owe Bella everything, but I’m sure she already knows that… Breaking her heart has always been- 

Excruciating. 

She doesn’t deserve it, but some things can’t be helped. While I was preparing myself to go, I tried to push her away, unsuccessfully. I knew nothing could be held off forever, no matter how much was at stake. It would be in everyone’s best interest if they just- stayed away. Bella, stubborn as she is, refused to be moved. Instead, she held onto me all the tighter. My little sister doesn’t care if she gets burned in the end, and that’s something I both admire and despise about her. She refuses to act in her own best interest- which is frustrating to someone who cares for her so deeply. 

The bell rings for lunch, and I really need to see my sister. I get to the cafeteria doors to see Bella standing to the side, Jessica Stanley talking at the side of her face as my sister’s eyes find mine, and Lord, I hate the determination in her brows and the firm set of her full lips. I tap my ear plugs to make sure they’re secure when Jessica greets me. “Hey Maddie! Come on, I’ll show you how to get lunch, and you guys can sit at my table,” Jessica’s keen eyes look to me, gazing at my glasses, where I can tell she’s checking her reflection, unable to see my unimpressed eyes. “Unless you’re sitting with someone else?” she asks, a hint of hope in her voice. I don’t know if she’s hoping I won’t join her table or if she’s hoping for gossip of some sort. Something gives me the feeling that it’s both. 

My face is blank behind my sunglasses as I state, “No. I’ll be joining Bella wherever she decides to sit.” 

“Great! Let’s go!” I notice that Jessica doesn’t ask Bella where she wants to sit, and am a bit peeved at that. I also notice the difference between Jessica’s enthusiasm and Alice’s excitement. Jessica has different motivations behind her kindness. She wants us to sit with her for, I’d hazard a guess, the attention, while Alice is honestly playful and giggly, acting that way for no one but herself and her own enjoyment. I kind of want to go find Alice and sit with her, because I think Bella would find her just as amusing as I do, but the shorter girl would probably be sitting with her family, which includes Jasper, who I still don’t know what to think of. 

Once we sit, we’re immediately surrounded by eager juniors who are- friendly. Some boy, Tyler Something, tries to kiss my cheek and ends up kissing the hand I hold in front of my face, and the table laughs as I push him away from me. Bella winces and hands me a sanitized napkin from her pocket, which I robotically rip open to clean my hand with, feeling grossed out and a little stressed because- germs. Germs are not good. Lord, if I got Mono or something. That’s the stuff of nightmares. I hadn’t felt the need to deep clean my whole body when Jasper kissed the back of my hand like a southern gentleman, and I definitely don’t want to look too closely at that. 

Bella takes my hand under the table, tapping into my palm, ‘U OK?’ 

I tap, ‘Y’ (Yes) before continuing with, ‘JST OVRWLMD’ (Just Overwhelmed). 

‘OK.’ She pauses before continuing, ‘WHOS JASPER?’ I freeze. 

‘L8R’ (Later). She squeezes my hand, sighing as she looks around the cafeteria before freezing. 

“Who are they?” Bella asks me quietly, and I look up to see that she’s looking at the Cullen table, where I see the three Cullen’s I’m familiar with and a tall, beautiful blonde woman who must be Rosalie, Jasper’s twin, and a brawny brown haired man built like a fuckin’ tank. 

“Black haired girl is Alice Cullen, she’s in my art class and the redhead boy, Edward Cullen, is with her in my gym class. Blond guy is uh Jasper Hale, he sits next to me in U.S. History… I don’t know the two others personally, but I think the blonde girl is Rosalie, Jasper’s twin.” Bella nods, and a willowy brunette with glasses leans toward us. 

“The bigger guy is Emmett Cullen, he’s dating Rosalie.” she informs us, and I nod at her in thanks. “I’m Angela Weber, by the way.” She offers a hand, and Bella shakes it, and I just wave a slight salute, when she looks at me, which she looks curious about, but- thankfully- doesn’t ask. “So you’re a senior?” she asks. I nod. 

“Yup.” She looks at me expectantly, and I don’t know what she wants me to say. “It’s easier than sophomore year, even,” I say, though I had been dying most of that school year and had made up my absence over summer vacation through packets of school work. “Junior year sucked though,” I say absently, and Bella gives me a look. “What? It’s true! It was better than sophomore year, though. I felt like I was dying for most of it,” I say, smirking slightly at my own joke. Bella shakes her head with exasperation, tapping ‘NT FNNY’ (Not Funny) into my wrist, before going back to eating her salad, pretending to pay attention to what the rest of the table is chatting about, holding my hand under the table. 

I take a bite of my chicken tenders, frowning because how else am I supposed to cope with the memories of my near death if not through humor? What, am I supposed to sit around and cry about it? What good would that do anyone? But I also can’t expect Bella to be able to move on from that event which clearly scarred her. I sigh as I tap, ‘SRY (Sorry)’ onto her wrist. 

‘NP (No Problem).’ 

“So did you notice the Cullens?” Jessica cuts in, over whatever Angela was trying to say to Bella, before looking to me, “You’ve met Jasper, the blond guy, right?” I nod and am about to open my mouth and mention that I know Alice as well when she continues with haste. “He doesn’t date, so I wouldn’t even try, if you were thinking about it.” Something about that makes me want to try, just to stick it to her.  _ Don’t fucking tell me what to do _ . “Neither does Edward, the redhead, or Alice, the small black haired girl, though she’s kind of weird.” I narrow my eyes behind my glasses. 

“What makes you say that?” I ask, tone mostly blank but with an edge of defense. “Ya ever talk to her?” Jessica opens her mouth, but I cut in with a drawl, “‘Cause I talked to her this morning, in our art class, and she’s real nice. Friendly. Said my hair’s the color of rose petals and fire, which is the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about my hair.” I turn to Angela and say, almost in an aside, “You wouldn’t believe how many people’s first question is, ‘Do you have a soul?’ The answer,” I tilt my head towards Jessica, raising my eyebrows over my sunglasses, “No,” I slump towards Bella, leaning my head on her shoulder, which is shaking with laughter, as a smirk grows on my lips. “Sold it for a corn chip.” Bella outright wheezes, shoving me lightly and I lean back to look at her as she covers her mouth with her hand, cheeks flushed red and eyes watering with mirth as she shakes her head at me. 

Demented humor is better than death humor, I suppose.

“You’re- r-ridiculous, Maddie,” she gasps, smiling a- finally!- sincere smile, that makes her look even more beautiful than she is, and I know the interested parties in the cafeteria have noticed. Ha, losers. Bella doesn’t go for most people who show an interest in her. She’s a bit hesitant with handing out her affections, always has been. But once she does, she goes all in. 

She dated a girl named Heather for a little while in Freshman year, and really liked her, but ended up breaking up with her because though Heather said she loved Bella, she hated me with a passion, and Bella wasn’t okay with that. Heather ended up following Bella for a month straight after the messy, accidently public break up, trying to win her back, and so I may have threatened her with Phil’s aluminum baseball bat. (I also might have taken out a tailout or two, but she couldn’t prove anything, so…) Bella always seems to appreciate it when people come to her defense, given that she isn’t one for confrontation or violence. 

I am not afraid of either, so I am glad to take out the bat for Bella’s various unwanted fans. Yeah, people have learned to be afraid of the older Swan Sister, the fiery redhead, because I’d do anything for Bella. 

Just like how she’d do anything for me. 


	4. Chapter 4

I squeeze Bella’s hand as we part ways, her heading towards her Biology class in the opposite direction to where I need to go, which is towards my English class, which Jessica is unfortunately in. Mr. Mason looks like he’s about to comment on my sunglasses before I raise the blue slip like an ace card. While looking extremely displeased, he signs the slip and tells me to sit anywhere, at any table, in any seat, because nothing’s assigned- which is never actually true, so I decided to wait, my eye on the back row, all the way to the left, the chair against the window looks promising if no one else has claimed it by the time class starts. Jessica talks at me for a moment, before it becomes clear I’m not listening and she goes to babble at a bleach blond girl with a sneer on her face. While leaning against the wall waiting for the class to fill just a bit more, the familiar form of a tall blond boy enters my class, and I swallow when his gaze meets mine, his eyes lighting up as an automatic smile blooms on his beautiful face, and I can’t help the slow spread of my lips as he walks up to me. 

“Maddie,” he greets, his eyes scanning the classroom with an almost protective crease to his brow before his face relaxes as his eyes fall back to me. “The seat next to mine is empty, and it’s by the window. I mean-” his brow furrows, “-only if you don’t mind sitting next to me again, I know-”

“I don’t mind, Jasper,” I interrupt his frankly adorable worried ramble, feeling a fond smile settle on my face as easily as it does with Bella. He leads me towards the back, and when I slide into my seat, he sits down next to me, his tall, slightly bulky form shielding me from the stares we garner from our classmates, especially Jessica and that blonde girl, and I can’t help but feel- protected. Safe. Treasured, even. Our chairs are close, his angled slightly towards me, his knee touching mine, and I don’t feel the need to pull away. The casual contact is natural, and it’s like we’ve done it many times before. 

The class goes much like the one this morning, except I feel more relaxed under his dark eyes. He smiles everytime I look back at him, eyes shining with awe, like he can’t quite believe I’m sitting here, next to him. I don’t know why I feel the same way. I have to fight back the urge to grin like an idiot when my eyes meet his, and he’s looking at me like that. It’s not the same giddiness I feel when I have a new crush. It’s-  _ more  _ somehow. Deeper. 

Almost as if this is all a part of some old routine, that’s easy like slipping back into an old favorite sweater. Warm and familiar and comforting. All I want to do is reach out for him, touch him, trace his features with my fingertips… 

“Ms. Swan, are you paying attention?” I reluctantly pull my gaze away from Jasper and scramble for an excuse for a second as I meet the eyes of a ticked off Mr. Mason. 

“Of course I am, Mr. Mason,” I say respectively. My eyes scan the board, and fall onto the freshly written topic of ‘Romeo and Juliet.’ “I was just telling Jasper here,” I tilt my head towards him, “that I personally think that Romeo and Juliet is so popular culturally because the story can be applied to any era- even the modern one. It’s versatile, and that’s why it’s so important to study, because it can still teach us things today. Right, Jasper?” He nods, fighting a smile. “I apologize if I made it seem like I wasn’t listening. I was simply sharing an idea with my classmate that I hope we get to touch on in class.” Mr. Mason stares at me a moment before nodding. 

“Yes, yes, that’s correct Ms. Swan. Speaking of-” I go back to ignoring him, my eyes tracing the contours of Jasper’s gorgeous hands, my eyes following the quiet, rhythmic tapping of his long fingers. “Now-” Mr. Mason’s voice brings me back to the moment, “Homework’s on the board. You can talk quietly amongst yourselves after you’ve written it down.” I scrawl the information on the board into my notebook, and when I’m done I look towards Jasper to see his eyes have been watching my hands. 

“You have nice handwriting,” he comments, and I look back to my neat cursive that I’ve always preferred over print and rip a page from the back of my spiral, idly writing out the house number I’m used to calling my dad on, and, ‘Jasper, here’s the Swan home number. Love, Madeline F. Swan.’ I slide the note to him. 

“Here, now you have some of my beautiful handwriting and my number, y’know, in case you forgot to write down the homework or something in our classes together.” He grins at me, raising his eyebrows. “You can frame it, if you like. It’s signed.” 

“I noticed that, what’s the ‘F’ stand for?” 

“Guess.” 

“Faith?” 

“No.” 

“Francis?” 

“Nope. It’s obscure, so I can tell you if-”

“Fay.” He says it softly, and I look to him, shocked. “Madeline Fay… Swan.” 

“Yeah, that’s- that’s it.” He raises his eyebrows, surprised. 

“Really? I got it?” 

“Yeah- that’s- that’s amazing. How’d you know?” 

“I just… did.” We stare at each other, neither making any move to look away or blink, when the bell rings, and I look away and pack up my stuff as Jasper stands next to me. “What’s your next class? I’ll walk you if I can.” 

“Chem II,” I say, pausing as a grin breaks like the sunrise over a horizon across his face. “What? Is your class over there, too?” 

“You could say that. With Ms. Davis, right?” 

“Yeah- wait. I’m going to hazard a guess and say that’s your last period, too.” 

“It is. And I just so happen to need a lab partner.” I grin up at him. 

“Are you any good? ‘Cause I barely passed Chem I,” I don’t mention that I missed a semester of it dying in a hospital, “and I could use someone smart to take the lead.” 

“I’ve got an ‘A,’” he assures, before his bright smile turns a bit shy as he offers me his arm to me with complete sincerity. I curl my hand over the inside of his elbow, and his eyes are bright as he escorts me to class, asking me questions along the way. “What’s your favorite color?” 

“Red, though I can’t ever wear it because it clashes with my hair. What about you?” 

“Blue,” he says simply. “What’s your favorite song?” 

“Ooh, that’s hard- oh, ‘Hallelujah’ by Leonard Cohen. It’s haunting but- good. You?” 

“‘Ain’t No Sunshine,’ Kenny Rogers. Why do you wear sunglasses and ear plugs?” I blink, I didn’t think anyone noticed the ear plugs. 

“Well, I’ve always been really sensitive to light and sound. Bright light and loud noise gives me migraines. The sunglasses and the ear plugs make everything more tolerable, and my eyes freak people out a little, cause they’re pretty bloodshot most of the time. They also think I’m intimidating or something,” I shrug. Jasper nods, looking like he’s filing what I say away for future reference. “Any other pressing inquiries, Jaz?” He doesn’t even blink at the nickname. 

“Favorite movie.” 

“Easy- ‘The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.’ Love me a western. And Clint Eastwood could get it.” Jasper narrows his eyes at me. 

“‘Clint Eastwood could get it’? Really?” I shrug, grinning up at Jasper as he looks down at me. 

“Is that jealousy I hear, Mister Whitlock?” Jasper freezes, stopping us in the middle of the hallway, but no one comments, given he’s him and I’m me. Jasper’s staring down at me with wide eyes. 

“You know- my last name is Hale, right? Where’d Whitlock come from?” I blink. 

“I… I don’t know. It just- came out.” Like it was natural. The name Jasper Whitlock fits the blond beside me better than ‘Hale.’ Hale is too- uppity. Whitlock is- What am I even thinking? Lord. He has a last name, already. “Sorry,” I say, confused at my choice of address, too. “Today’s been a weird day.” Jasper slowly nods, still staring down at me intensely. He doesn’t look mad- if anything his eyes are brighter than they’ve been all day- his gaze dialed up in intensity. “Is this it?” I ask, pointing towards an open door a few classes down, and Jasper doesn’t stop to look where I pointed, until I pull on his locked arm, and even then he only nods. 

“Yeah, that’s it.” He smiles slightly down at me. “Sorry, you just caught me off guard. I’m jealous of whoever ‘Whitlock’ is, if he’s the name that comes to mind while flirtin’.” I laugh, shaking my head, noticing his arm had stiffened under my hold. 

“I’ve never met a Whitlock, though I-” I swallow, “I think I might’ve dreamt of him, whoever he is. My sister told me I said that name in my sleep once.” 

“Really?” he seems eager, “Do you know when?” 

“I… don’t remember. Sorry.” It’s not quite a lie, is it? I don’t remember any of my fever dreams, and the timeline is frankly untraceable. Maybe I’ll tell him whenever my near death comes up. Some part of me insists he deserves to know, that he needs to, and I blurt out, “That’s a lie.” I wince at myself as he looks down at me with furrowed brows, and I look at the classroom we’re in front of as it comes out in a rush. “It’s a long story, but I was delirious with a fever, and apparently I- hallucinated I was some southern belle on her deathbed, when I was just a sixteen year old girl from Washington on her deathbed.” There. Short and blunt. I glance up at Jasper, whose face is eerily blank, eyes pained. I try to slip my hand off his arm, but his other hand grips it, almost too tightly. 

“Don’t go, I- I just need a moment.” I look up at him, and he looks like he’s fighting back demons, his eyes closed tightly, still as a statue. Suddenly, Alice appears at his elbow, waving slightly at me, her big brother Emmett behind her, looking concerned, but eyeing Jasper nervously. 

“Jasper, why don’t you let Maddie go to class.” His eyes shoot open, pitch black and furious as he glares coldly down at the small form of Alice, but she doesn’t even flinch, her hand going around the wrist of the hand that’s holding my own, and his grip tightens and I gasp in pain, a spike of fear in my heart as pain blossoms in my hand. He releases me immediately, backing quickly away, letting Emmett steer him down the hallway, away from me, his head ducked down as he stalks quickly down the hallway, away from where I stand, holding my hand to my chest. 

“What-?” 

“Girls, don’t you have classes to get to?” comes a voice from the doorway, and I look to a tall woman who must be Ms. Davis, before looking back to Alice, who smiles kindly. 

“Yes, I was just escorting Maddie, your new student, because Jasper suddenly felt quite sick and so Emmett’s taking him home.” Ms. Davis narrows her eyes at Alice, glancing at me. 

“Doesn’t ‘Maddie’ know sunglasses indoors are against dress code?” 

“I have a note,” I say numbly, taking out the blue paper I’d folded and placed in my back pocket and handing it to the brunette woman, who I don’t look at, my eyes still on Alice, who’s still smiling kindly. The bell rings, and I sigh, knowing I’m not going to get answers at the moment, and I think I need time to figure out what questions I want to ask. “Bye Alice. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” She nods. “Tell- Jasper I hope he’s okay.” Alice’s smile softens. 

“I will. Bye, Maddie!” Alice walks away with a skip to her step and I turn to Ms. Davis, who gestures sharply for me to enter her classroom. Great, another hard-ass teacher, in my worst class. Fun. I spend that class sitting alone, studiously taking notes, my hurt hand in my lap, writing as neat as I can, with the most comprehensive bullet points I can manage, with the thought of Jasper maybe needing notes to copy. Maybe I could find a copy machine and give him some more of my handwriting… Would that be weird? Probably.

I attempt to stretch my other hand and the sharp pain makes me gasp under my breath. Good thing I’m going to the doctor after school anyway, right? 

But what was Jasper’s- was  _ meltdown  _ an appropriate description? I mean, he kept it locked down, but Lord, was that intense. He was holding onto me like I was a lifeline, with a death grip, like letting me go would be his downfall. Near the end of class I notice my hand is purpling, and wondered what sort of pain pills Bella gave me, ‘cause I don’t even feel it. 

Knowing Bella she probably saved it from one of her accidents. That girl would be a great crime boss. She has potential as a drug dealer if college doesn’t work out. 


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey Bella, I hurt my hand, can we go to the hospital early?” Bella turns her head sharply to look at me from where she was about to start the car. Her slightly trembling hands gently cradle my hand. 

“What happened? Maddie this doesn’t look good.” 

“It was a total accident, the guy felt so bad afterward. He stopped me from falling and his grip was too tight, and I ended up falling anyway, cause he dropped me when I gasped.” That was a total lie, but I wasn’t about to out Jasper as someone suffering from what I decided must be some sort of trauma, maybe even a form of PTSD. Bella bites her lip in worry, before nodding to herself. 

“Okay, okay. We’ll go early. Does it hurt? Do you need another pill?” The pain is starting to rear it’s head, and it feels fucking sharp, but I also don’t want to be drugged with my first visit with my new doctor. Not a great first impression to make. 

“Yeah, no. Whatever you gave me earlier helped numb it through class, so let’s just-” I feel my eyes watering. Jesus fuck- this hurts. “Can you hurry?” 

“Oh fuck,” Bella curses at the sight of the tears streaming down my cheeks, causing me to choke on a laugh/sob. She turns on the car and carefully backs out before booking it down the highway, sparing concerned glances at me every minute or so as I bite my lip to keep the pained noises within at the painful throbbing in my left hand. We pull up to the hospital and Bella brings me into the ER, and I wipe my cheeks of tears as they take my insurance card and bring me for X-Rays. 

“Well, you broke your hand,” informs the no nonsense nurse practitioner, a middle aged woman named Ms. Joy, which I find ironic, mostly because she’s so dead-pan. She didn’t even question my sunglasses, which made me like her. She puts the x-ray up and points towards the bones in my palm. “Thankfully, it’s a very clean break. No surgery needed. There’s a tiny fracture in one of the middle metacarpal, the bone in the center of your palm I’m sure hurts like hell, and you can thank all the nerves in your hand for that. Once the doctor examines it, we’ll splint it, and it should heal in about three weeks. Now take this,” she hands me a little paper cup and I throw it back before she can hand me the water, and she sighs and hands it to Bella. “Once that kicks in, Dr. Cullen will be in to set it. He’s dealing with something with his kids, so you’ll have to wait a little, which isn’t bad, ‘cause I’m sure you want those painkillers to kick in before he handles it, yeah?” I nod. And she nods once back before looking at us with a slight smirk, “And I called the Chief, he’ll be here shortly.” 

I groan, both because of the pain, and because since Dad was called, he probably informed Mom, and that is going to be a nightmare, reassuring her over and over that I don’t want to go back to Phoenix. And since it is me, instead of it being clumsy Bella, she’ll probably take it as some cosmic sign or something. “Was it Jasper Hale?” Bella asks me quietly when we’re left alone. 

I narrow my eyes at Bella, “How’d you-” 

“Jessica Stanley told me that during your English class, you and him were close, and that he offered you his arm to walk you to your next class. I assume that’s when you tripped or whatever. I’m just wondering, since it was sort of his fault, why someone so gentlemanly didn’t offer to bring you to the hospital immediately or to the nurse’s office at least-” I raise a hand to stop Bella’s ramble, leaning towards her to tell her the (sort of) truth. 

“I think he had a flashback or something, Bells. He just- froze while I was talking, and when I gasped, he just- bolted. Left, head down, shame-faced.” Bella looks at me intently. 

“What were you talking about?” 

“I told him what happened when I was sixteen.” Bella stares at me. “I kind of just told him-” 

“Miss Swan?” asks a melodic voice from the doorway, and I look up to see a handsome blond doctor with dark eyes and sharp features. 

“Yes, that’s me. You must be Dr. Cullen,” I say, because who else could it be? “I’d offer a hand, but…” He laughs softly before he eyes my bruised hand, and his face turns somber. 

“That looks painful. Have the pills kicked in?” 

“Well I can’t feel anything, so either everything’s a hologram or I’m getting high on painkillers.” Bella snorts, and turns red when the doctor and I both turn to her, eyebrows raised. 

“Sorry.” 

“It’s no problem,” Dr. Cullen says, his pale hands taking my left hand and gently manipulating it, which I can’t feel at all until a particular shift. 

“Fuck,” I wince, both at the pain and at my lack of brain to mouth filter. Dr. Cullen drags over the rolling table with the splint supplies over and delicately begins to slide on the glove-type thing, making sure it’s secure. 

“Alright, I think this will do it. I want you to keep this on for three weeks, and when you come in for your check up, we’ll take another x-ray, do another physical exam, and you’ll be set.” 

“Cool,” I sigh, leaning back against the hospital bed, feeling sleepy. 

“If I may,” Dr. Cullen says, eyes gentle, “Was this a result of my foster son Jasper?” 

“How’d you-?”

“He called me this afternoon, after his- episode. I know you witnessed it, Madeline, and I wanted to tell you that he’s very, very sorry that he hurt you.” Dr. Cullen sighs, gazing at me with sad eyes. “Jasper’s quite torn up about it-” 

“It was an accident, Dr. Cullen,” I cut in, heart aching at the sound of Jasper’s suffering. My tone was a little desperate as I say, “I know he didn’t mean to. Can you tell him I forgive him, and that I still want to be his friend? I’d- I’d miss him if he stayed gone too long. Can you tell him that?” Dr. Cullen smiles at me, seeming relieved. 

“Yes, I’ll pass along the message. It would surely be a blessing to my family to have someone as kind as you as a friend.” He turns to Bella, “And Edward sends his apologies. He’s quite sick.” I stiffen, as does Bella. 

“Is he contagious?” Bella asks stiffly. Dr. Cullen glances between me and Bella, shaking his head hurriedly as he sees our concern. 

“No. No he’s not. You needn’t worry. He’s positive it’s something he ate at lunch.” I grimace. Food poisoning sucks. 

“Poor Edward. Food poisoning sucks.” Dr. Cullen looks like he’s about to agree when Ms. Joy opens the door and Dad stalks in, eyes immediately falling to my splinted hand. 

“Maddie, what happened?” he asks, glancing up at my glasses before looking to Bella, then Dr. Cullen. 

“An accident in the hallways. She’ll be fine with some prescription painkillers and three weeks time,” Dr. Cullen says, writing something on a small pad and ripping it off the hand to Dad, who takes it, reading it with narrowed eyes. “You can fill that in the pharmacy downstairs, Chief Swan.” Dad nods. “With that, what were the concerns you wanted to bring up during our appointment?” 

“It’s nothing, just a cold. I’m feeling better today.” Dr. Cullen stares at me a moment before nodding.

“Alright then. Goodbye Ms. Swan, Ms. Swan, Chief.” He leaves, and Dad sighs looking in between Bella and I.

“So it wasn’t Bella this time?” I laugh as Bella pouts. “That’s what I assumed when I got the call, but then they said ‘Madeline’ and I just about had a heart attack.” We walk out, me leaning into Dad’s side. 

“Sorry, Dad.” 

“Why didn’t you have Dr. Cullen check you out for the sinus thing?” I shake my head. 

“I think it’s going away, I’m fine. Are we going to the diner? I’m craving peach cobbler.” 

That evening Bella and I are lying on our backs, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the whooshing rain. She’s really tense, and it’s been almost an hour. I know something’s wrong. “What’s going on with you, Bella?” She blinks, before pretending to sound confused. 

“What do you mean? It’s nothing. There’s nothing going on. With me.” Lord, she’s a horrible liar. 

“Cut the bullshit. What’s going on with you?” 

She huffs, before sighing. “Edward Cullen kind of- glared at me, through all of biology. He- He looked like he hated me, or that I smelled bad or something. He didn’t look like he had food poisoning.” That doesn’t sound like the boy I saw in the gym. He seemed chill at lunch, too, but I’m not going to dismiss her experience if it has her this shaken. 

“What do you mean? You don’t think he was really sick? Do you think he’s possessed or something?” 

“Well, no. I- was watching their table, and he didn’t eat anything that I saw. I don’t know, he just freaked me out, I guess… It’s not a big deal. If he’s sick, then I guess it makes sense. He could be one of those people who gets really bitchy when they don’t feel good.” I feel like that’s a dig on me. “Like you.” I huff and reach over to slap her with my good hand. 

“Oh fuck you. You can go and sleep in your own bed.” She doesn’t move. “That’s what I thought.” 

“What had you so freaked out at lunch?” 

“Jasper. Is it just me, or is it insane that the day you tell me I’ve been muttering some guy’s name in my sleep, an hour later my new buddy Alice tells me her foster brother Jasper’s in my US History class, and that he’s a history nerd like me, and also very attractive.” Bella’s silent for a moment. 

“Did you call yourself a History Whore again?” I slap her again and she yelps. “What was that for?”

“That’s what you think of? Not the fateful meeting of me and Jasper Hale?” Bella sighs. 

“Can I be honest?” 

“Sure. Go for it.” 

“I think there’s something weird about Forks. About us. And… I saw the way Jasper looked at you at lunch. He seemed enamoured. Enchanted. It made me feel awkward witnessing it. Like it shouldn’t have been seen by anyone but you, and only in private, intimate spaces. But you never looked at him, which seemed to bum him out.” I sigh deeply, fighting sleep. 

“Can we save boy talk to when I’m not high on painkillers? I can’t think straight.” 

“Well I’m not straight.” I laugh, hitting Bella again. 

“Yup, I know that, Bi-Bella. You came out at like twelve when Mom said you’d make a good lesbian, and you were like- ‘Actually, I prefer bisexual.’ And we were like-”

“‘Cool,’ and ‘Chill,’ respectively.” 

“Dad was bummed because you’re still susceptible to teen pregnancy.” Bella laughs. 

“Like anyone would date me anyway.” I blink the sleep from my eyes. 

“Really? Did you just say no one would date you? Really?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“Bella! Oh my god! You’re the most oblivious astute person I know! Even Angela was eying you when you laughed for real! That blond puppy boy-” 

“Mike.” 

“The greasy black haired nerd-” 

“Eric.” 

“And that guy who tried to kiss me and got the hand-”

“Tyler. And those are all guys I don’t really feel any attraction to.” I sigh, smiling. 

“I know. You’re only attracted to intellectuals who listen to classical music and are kind of assholes, or spunky lesbians.” 

“Yeah. Goodnight, Maddie.” 

“Night, Belle.” 

That night, for the first time in my life, I dream with clarity. 


	6. Chapter 6

“Maddie,” Belle whispers in awe as she sees me, in a white dress I sewed myself out of cheesecloth and embroidered the bodice painstakingly with daisies, daffodils, and red poppies, the flowers that grow in our meadow, which I also plucked to create a flower crown that resembled fire to sit upon my red curls. “You look like a goddess.” I smile nervously at my sister, fretting slightly with my crown, before she bats my hands away, giving me a look and grabbing a few pins to secure it to my head. “Why’re you so nervous? That boy is so in love with you, it ain’t even funny.” 

“I know he is,” I insist, but my voice is a bit choked. 

“What is it, Madeline? Don’t you want to marry him?” We’re both quiet before I murmur what’s been pressing on my heart. 

“I just wish Ma was here to see her little girl marry her love.” 

Belle sighs softly, wiping the tears that dripped onto my cheeks with soft fingertips. “She is here.” Belle takes my hand and places it gently over my heart, over my locket. “Mama lives on in our hearts and memories, and I bet she’s cheering us on with the angels… All she wanted for us was to marry for love, not some status that doesn’t mean anything in heaven.” I swallow and nod, smiling tearfully as I gaze at Belle, who looks just like our Ma, down to the freckles splattering her pale cheeks. “Now, are you gonna go make Ma proud and marry that boy, or am I gonna have to push ya down the stairs?” I laugh, pushing Belle’s shoulder, a grin splitting my face. 

“I’m ready. I’m gonna leave here Mrs. Jasper Whitlock or die tryin’.” 

Belle walks me down the creaky steps, to the small main room housing the one stained glass window and dozens of old wooden benches pushed into one high ceilinged, drafty chapel currently empty of any witnesses, and when we appear at the bottom of the stairs, a creaky piano begins to play. 

All of it melts away when I meet his gaze. He’s smilin’ as wide as I am, eyes crinklin’ at the edges, tears shining in his brown eyes, and I can feel the fire in my soul alight, and I know Ma is cheering with all the rest of the angels above. Mary Beth Nightingale had died too soon, but I know she’d be proud, because all she wanted was for us to be happy- and with the Lord above as my witness, I am. 

Belle takes my right hand and puts it in Jasper’s, who’s warm, calloused hand holding mine feels like a home I never knew I was missing before he slipped me that first love note. The standard vows go by in a blur, but the whole room seems frozen in time when Jaz slides the ring onto my finger, and for a moment, I almost feel complete. Then he dips me in a kiss and I know I am. I am whole all on my own, I know, but Jasper makes me feel all the more complete, like long before either of us were born, we were fated to fall in love as easily as one falls asleep. 

There’s a skip in time, I feel it, and we’re standing together in our meadow, his warm hands on my waist, mine cradling his face, clean shaven as he prefers to be. I’m wearing a fine, expensive dress, and he’s wearing his worn clothes, but we both have looks of love equal to nothing and no one but the other. What a pair we make, the Sheriff’s daughter and the bastard son of a plantation owner’s mistress, eager to prove himself in a fight that we both know is brewing. “Too eager to go off and fight,” I murmur fondly, though there’s a deep sadness in my soul at the thought of letting him go. 

“You know I’ll always find my way back to you, darlin’,” he whispers as he leans in to press his lips to mine in a soft, sweet kiss that slowly deepens, before I pull away and hold his face in my hands, my eyes tracing his tan face in the sunlight, the stray moles and freckles and that one scar that splits his right eyebrow- all beautiful flaws. 

“I know you will,” I breathe, my thumb lovingly tracing his bottom lip. “I know you will.” 

When he turns and walks away, I hold on tightly to the locket around my neck. My mother’s locket, passed down to me when she died when I was just barely thirteen, carrying Jasper’s grandmother’s wedding ring. “He will,” I said under my breath, before closing my eyes in a prayer, “Please, Lord… Bring him home to me.” Jasper does find his way back to me, but I know it’s too late. Fire eats at my soul in a fever I’m losing the fight against. 

In between my delirious moments, when Belle is gently blotting my forehead with a cloth that feels ice cold, I find clarity, watching the tears slip silently down her cheeks. “Is this the end, Belle? Is this it?” I whisper. “Will I die without him by my side?” The brunette tuts gently, even as tears continue their steady stream down her pale face. 

“No, no, of course this isn’t the end,” she soothes. “Ma always said that love… real, true love transcends everything, even mortal death. You’ll find him again, Maddie. You’ll come back just like you always do.” I blink slowly, not sure I heard her right. 

“Come back...? What… What do you mean?” Belle pauses, before she leans forward to whisper in a low voice. 

“Ma told me something- something big, before she died… Maddie, we’re- we’re special.” I can only stare at her, and she swallows as she tucked my hair behind my ear, stroking it soothingly as she utters a story in a voice different from her own. “You and I have been reborn many, many times. We were goddesses, of a religion lost to time. I- the adored Goddess of Protection. You, the greatly respected Goddess of Justice. The feared God of War fell deeply in love with you, with your fire and swift execution of what you deemed fair- and you had me shield your souls together in a forge that was the first true marriage. But as our worshippers dispersed and began praising other gods, we weakened. With no other choice, I created an eternal shield around our three souls, keeping us from true death, and so we are reborn, and You and Him find each other in every life, with me at your side as a sister, and we will until we all achieve True Immortality. I have been reborn alongside you each time you fail, and the knowledge of our past is gifted to one parent, our guide, who protects the knowledge until they pass it on. Once they do, they die. This time, it was our mother, and she did something- different, near the end.” 

My hand instinctively reaches for my locket, and Belle nods slightly. 

“She knew that Jasper would achieve Immortality in this life, without you, and used her innate knowledge to cast a spell on your necklace, so it would hold the knowledge in your subconscious until Jasper finds you again, in the next life, and stop the cycle of guardian parents, as it won’t be needed. Though I won’t remember this life, you will once you meet him, and that’s what’s important.” A smile lights up her face, and I smile slightly back at her, even as tears shine in my eyes, reflected in hers. “You’re coming back, he’ll find you,” she assures me, but I shake my head as I reach out to hold her hand. 

“But I’m still leaving you behind. Belle, I don’t want to go,” I begin to cry, and Belle cries with me. “I don’t want to leave you alone, Isabelle May. I can’t leave you alone for a lifetime.” Belle shushes me gently, taking the hand on my chest to hold it gently in both of her’s. 

“I won’t be alone,” she assures me. “I’ll have Papa, and then I’ll get married, and have a husband, and have children, then grandchildren… Yes, I’ll miss you. I’ll miss you more than anything, but life goes on, doesn’t it? We felt like the world ended when Ma died, but eventually, we moved on. You found Jasper, and I’ll- I’ll find someone, eventually.” I stare sadly at my sister, knowing she’s lying. She doesn’t look at me as she speaks lowly, “I’ll be joining you shortly, so that way we’re reincarnated quicker.” 

My face falls into one of pain. “Be honest, Belle- How much will he suffer?” Belle looks sadly at me. 

“I don’t know, but he’s going to lose his wife, his soulmate, his forever, and… he won’t know he’ll see you again for some time.” I close my eyes in grief, imagining the years of pain, of loneliness. Belle squeezes my hand, and I realize I’d been drifting to sleep. “You’ve got to hang on until he’s home. Let him say goodbye. If he comes home and you’re just gone- it’ll hurt all the more to keep going.” I nod slowly. 

“I’ll- I’ll hold on, for him.” 

And I do. “I wanted… to hear your voice one last time, before I go away…” He’s crying, and it hurts me, but there’s nothing I can do now. “But not forever, right?” I whisper. 

“No,” he assures me, and I know it hurts him, thinking he’s lying to me. Squeezing my slacking hand as my eyes begin to grow heavier and heavier. His low voice is a comfort as he tells me, “We won’t ever be apart forever, darlin’. Nothing could hold me back from finding you, not even death.” I sigh, a calm smile on my lips, my eyes losing the fight against closing for the final time. 

After my death, the point of view turns- odd. I see my father of my last life standing across from my husband in our meadow, and all I can do is watch as my father places my locket into Jasper’s hand, the one heavy with my wedding ring. I see his broken look, before he seems to steal himself. “I won’t apologise for making an honest woman of Madeline, because I respect her and her decision to love a bastard like me. But you needn’t worry about me stickin’ around and sullying your great name. I know she died a Whitlock, and that’s all I need. And to be honest, sir…” his voice drops to a pained whisper, agony on his face, “There’s nothing left for me here.” 

And he leaves, carrying me with him. 

There’s flashes of war, of carnage. Every risk he takes has my heart beat harder in my chest, and I want to hit him over the head for being so reckless, but the moments in between, when he stares down at the barrel of a pistol, contemplation on his face… Whatever anger I feel is replaced with desperate love and agony. One night, he’s riding under moonlight, across a large plain, when he comes across three women, dressed in white nightgowns that billow in the wind, and something about how still they are, like statues wearing clothes, standing in the dark… It chills me. When he finally gets to them, they’ve turned to face him, and I immediately notice the sharp, ashen features and dark red eyes, their skin shining otherworldly in the moonlight. Jasper seems to ignore his gut feeling of unease, because he’s a gentleman and suicidal, and gets off his horse to approach the trio of beautiful women. 

The leader, Maria, sets me on edge, with the way she’s watching my husband. Suddenly, the other two are gone, and she’s holding Jasper’s head in her hands, murmuring, “I hope you survive this, Major, you could be of great use to me,” and tilts his head back and to the side, and bites into his neck. 

He’s in agony for what feels like forever. All I get are glimpses, but he hasn’t stopped screaming and it’s terrifying, watching the color leach from his skin, his features sharpen, his blood burn up and crystalize as the venom eats away at his veins, his cells, his heart- soul- mind- until suddenly it all stops, and he looks exactly as he does now, but his eyes- They’re bright red. And that’s not the only thing- off. Something’s wrong. No- Not wrong, just… different. He’s staring down at my locket, looking at it like he did me, in the hallway yesterday afternoon. Yes, I remember the look in his eyes. Intense. Angry. Burning. Ready and willing to tear anyone and everything but me apart by the seams. 

“Major,” Maria calls, “Nice of you to join us.” 

Jasper stares coldly at her, still greatly intimidating from his spot on the ground. “You tried to take her locket, didn’t you?” Maria stiffens, seems shaken before she controls her beautiful features once more. 

“Yes, and you almost killed me. You’ve got good instincts, Major. My army could use someone like you.” 

“Army?” He shoots up and has Maria by the neck against a wall, ignoring the growling of her henchmen, and she holds a hand to stop them, trying to seem as though she’s not bothered, with his nearly crushing her throat, even as fear clouds her eyes as I hear a sound like stone cracking in an earthquake. “What are you? What have you turned me into?” Maria’s hand squeezes Jasper’s wrist, looking at him with heated eyes, and he looks disgusted and drops her. 

“Don’t you feel it,” she gasps as the cracks in her throat mend, “The thirst for blood?” 

He stills, his hand going for his throat, his face twisting in pain. “What am I?” 

“You, Major, are an immortal. A vampire. You’ll live forever if you’re not killed in the fight.” Jasper blinks slowly. 

“Fight?” he seems intrigued, almost eager. Maria smiles in triumph. 

“Yes. You- Jasper Whitlock- will win me my war.” 

And he does. He began existing simply for the soul purpose of fighting someone else’s war, like he did when he was human. Jasper also has-  _ power _ . He can manipulate other’s emotions with his will, but he can also can’t help but feel their emotions as well. In every kill, he feels their awe at his beauty. Then their fear. Their terror. He trained other’s, he turned some, he killed- a lot. The Major caused carnage without a thought, until he forced himself to look at my locket, and Jasper would come back, weeping without tears, begging me to forgive him. 

I did. I do. 

He finds an ally, maybe even a friend, in Peter. He has sandy blond hair and a gut feeling that always leads him in the right direction. Jasper begins to see him as a brother, then there’s Charlotte, a girl with light red hair that catches Jasper’s attention and makes him grimace. He can barely look at her, so he gladly let’s Peter kill her, because he doesn’t think he could do it, and when they run away, he doesn’t chase them. He only looks down at my locket for a long moment, before slipping it in a leather pouch for safe keeping, and going back to being alone. 

Peter was his only friend, his last bit of family, and he left him alone with Maria and the carnage and piles of burning body parts that left purple plumes of smoke hanging heavily like incense, the smell too sweet- All for a girl… Jasper can understand, I know. Jasper would leave much more if it meant my life. Jasper misses Peter, the boy he made that made him feel almost human, and that loneliness and hopelessness only makes The Major harder to control. 

What Jasper doesn’t expect is for Peter to come back for him, with news that there is more to being Immortal than senseless murder. Hunting is still torturous, but he does it, and he’ll sit for the hours in between, gazing at the locket cradled in his pale hands. “Will you tell us about her?” Charlotte asks one day, when they’re hiding from the sun that makes their skin glitter like it’s made up of millions of encrusted diamonds. 

He freezes, and looks up at Charlotte, with her kind face and ginger hair, and he swallows as he forces himself to look away, his eyes falling naturally to the ‘M’ engraved in the gold locket, that still shines, despite its age. He idly traces it. He’s kept such good care of that last piece of me. “This was my wife’s,” he says, voice low. 

“You were married?” Peter asks as he comes up behind Charlotte, probably curious over Jasper’s treasured, yet unspoken past. 

“Yes… We were sixteen. She was the Sheriff’s daughter, and I, the bastard son of a plantation owner’s mistress.” Jasper’s smiling slightly at the memories, and Peter and Charlotte look a bit awed. He hasn’t smiled once since I died, I realize. “I saw her across the townsquare when we were thirteen, and slipped her a love note, marveling at her beauty and fiery soul I could see behind her eyes, begging to meet. I was surprised when she came, and even more so when she slapped me and demanded to know what I thought I was doing, teasing her like that.” Peter and Charlotte laugh, and Jasper’s smile grows a bit more at their joy. “After she calmed down enough to listen as I try to explain that I was completely sincere, we sat, then laid in the grass and talked all night, ‘til the sun rose and she had to go home. Her Mama had just died, and she needed an escape from the grief, and that’s what I was at first, until she fell in love with me the way I’d fallen for her that first night.” Jasper’s face turns pained. .

“What happened?” Charlotte asks gently, looking concerned. 

“I- went off to train with the local militia for a month, and when I came back, she was on her deathbed, with pneumonia. She was holding on so that way she could hear my voice one last time… That night, she died. The next day, her father found me in our meadow, told me I’d better get a move on, and gave me this.” Jasper holds up the locket by the chain, then gently opens it, and takes his grandmother’s gold ring holding a diamond encircled in small pearls. It shines like his hand in the sunlight. “I went to war, became a major, encountered Maria, became The Major. You know the rest.” He very carefully puts the ring back, and closes the locket, a sigh leaving his lips as his head falls forward in grief. Peter and Charlotte clearly don’t know what to say. 

The next day, while Charlotte and Peter are hunting, he writes a note, and he leaves. The note reads: 

‘Peter, You’re like a brother to me, but I need some time alone. I’m sorry that I couldn’t say this to your face. Sincerely, Jasper.’ 

He wanders for a long time, almost twenty years I guess by the changing of fashions, killing only when he needs to, occasionally finding the company of other nomads, but mostly traveling alone, because The Major is easily triggered among those he doesn’t trust. Then one day, he enters a diner to get out of the rain. I see Alice sitting at the counter, and I know Jasper has clocked her because he tenses, and the little vampire with gold eyes skips up to him, a grin on her lips, a journal in hand. She opens it to a page that holds a sketch of me, smiling up at Jasper, both in modern clothes, and he freezes. 

“Come with me, Jasper Whitlock,” she declares in a confident voice, “and you’ll find Her again.” 

So Jasper follows Alice, and learns to drink from animals, which is a welcome change. He looks more like himself with gold eyes. When Alice explains the limitations of her powers, Jasper narrows his eyes at her, an edge to his voice as he growls, “Then how do you know we’ll find her? If it’s all chance?” Alice gives him a bright smile. 

“Because it’s not chance, Jasper. That vision is one of the first I can remember, and it’s never changed or fluctuated. It’s simply destiny that you’ll find her again, and it’s destiny that her sister meets me and we fall in love.” Jasper blinks in astonishment, before a grin splits his face. 

“You mean Belle will be there, too?” Alice grins and takes out her journal, flipping it and showing a sketch of Alice staring lovingly at a blushing Belle- or actually, since it’s now, it’ll be-

“Bella is her name. Maddie’s stayed the same, still Madeline Fay. The last name changed, though, but I can’t see it yet. Sorry.” Jasper just shakes his head. He’d heard of Belle’s suicide through the talk of some nurses from Stonepick, and it had sent him spiralling. That fight was the one that got him promoted to Major, the day after he discovered he was the last person who carried the memory of Madeline Whitlock. 

“I can’t believe she was right,” Jasper whispers, and Alice tilts her head curiously. “She said she wouldn’t be gone forever. And she was right.” 

Time moves forward, and Jasper’s wearing what he wore yesterday, seething. “You knew I’d hurt her?!” he snarls at Alice, who looks at him with pity. In the background, Emmett looks sick. 

“You hurt her worse if we try to intervene any earlier than we did, Jaz. But The Major won’t hurt her now, if he comes out. He knows now to be gentle… She said she hopes you’re okay.” Jasper growls and punches a tree in half before bolting to the hospital, where he knows I’ll be. 

I hear him hear my diagnosis, and he looks like he’d be crying if he could, especially when he hears me say, “It was an accident, Dr. Cullen, I know he didn’t mean to. Can you tell him I forgive him, and that I still want to be his friend? I’d miss him if he stayed gone too long. Can you tell him that?” Jasper bites his lip and looks down at his hand, seeming even more distressed. 

“Jasper, son,” Dr. Cullen sits beside Jasper, later. “You’ve got to give yourself allowances. We all make mistakes, and now you know-”

“That I need to stay away, I know.” Dr. Cullen looks appalled, and I feel a spike of rage. When I see that boy, I’m gonna-

“That is  _ not _ what I was going to say-” Alice appears, looking angry as the sky begins to darken with night, but I can still see them clearly. I remember how Alice’s powers work, and I wonder… 

“You’ve waited two hundred years to find her again! Don’t throw it all away because of one mistake! Gods above!” She runs her fingers through her hair, before she stops, eyes looking distant. “Wait. Something’s happening.” I deliberately decide I need to remember to tell Alice everything I’ve dreamed during first period, and also to find a way to slap Jasper without breaking my other hand on his face. I know! I’ll ask Alice to slap that idiot boy for me, and ask him what the hell he thinks he’s doing, teasing me like that. Said blond immediately looks anxiously at Alice. 

“What is it? Is it Maddie? Is she okay?” Alice stays frozen, eyes distant, before a grin splits her face. 

“She knows.” Alice laughs, jumping up and down, clapping. “She knows! She remembers! Oh, this is so great! Jasper,” he looks to her, and she slaps him across the face. “That’s from Maddie, she says, ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing, teasing me like that?’” Alice laughs at the dumbfounded look on Jasper’s face. “She’s going to dream everything tonight, including this conversation. Oh this is great!” For that, I’m introducing Alice to Bella tomorrow morning. Alice freezes, before looking horrified. “I need to find the perfect outfit for meeting the love of my eternal life! I have a goddess to impress!” Alice disappears. 

Dr. Cullen looks after her, mystified but amused, before looking at Jasper. “Do you know what any of that means?” Jasper’s still grinning, rubbing his cheek. 

“I’ve got to go.” He blurs away, and sits in a tree outside my house, at the back, where my bedroom is. He anxiously waits for me to fall asleep besides Bella, who sleeps soundly beside my form, completely still except for my breathing. He watches me with adoring eyes, until the grey morning light shines through the clouds above, and I feel myself waking, the vision of him beginning to fade to darkness, but I can still hear his next words clearly, a whisper in my ear, “I don’t know if you can hear me, darlin’, but I love you so much.” 

I blink my eyes open, to find myself back in my body, lying beside Bella, facing the window, and though I can’t see my husband, I know he’s there. A smile breaks it’s way across my face, and I whisper, positive he can hear me when I say, “I love you, too, Jasper Whitlock. Forever.” 


	7. Chapter 7

“Why did you insist on us dressing up for our  _ second  _ day of school?” Bella complains after I throw her dark blue button up at her. It’s the one that she looks amazing in, and I want to thank Alice for all her help in bringing my husband back to me. “They already know what we look like, and I don’t want to look like I actually care what people think.” I roll my eyes at Bella behind my sunglasses as I adjust my off white blouse and Bella tucks her shirt into her pants like the bisexual icon she is. My blouse is made of a creme fabric reminiscent to my wedding dress, but a bit thicker for the weather, embroidered with blue flowers, instead of yellow, orange, and red. As I adjust my splint, I consider telling Bella I’m going to introduce her to the loves of our lives, but I think that would psyche her out, so I just shrug as I mess with my hair a little. 

“I feel like dressing up, and I’m not doing it alone.” Bella huffs and pulls on her black leather belt, then bending down to cuff her pants. “It can be our new Thursday tradition, instead of pizza, since Dad already eats way too much of that.” Bella huffs but nods. 

“Yeah, I was thinking about going grocery shopping after school today, do you still have your cookbook?” 

“Yeah, what are you thinking you want to make?” Bella shrugs. 

“I don’t know, that’s why I need to look in the cookbook.” I go over to a box labeled ‘Maddie’s Books and Movies’ and fish out the journal I’ve been writing recipes in since I was twelve and learning how to cook mostly by myself, because Renee is a bit helpless in the kitchen. She became my assistant until Bella stepped up. Flipping through the recipes, I realize that a few that I had just been inspired to write are ones I learned from Mama, who never wanted a slave or to hire a cook, determined to be independent. She cleaned the house herself, and Belle and I continued the tradition after she died. 

“What’s with the pout?” Bella asks, staring down at me, concerned. I bite my lip and shake my head. 

“Just thinking that we might have to buy some appliances for the kitchen.” Bella narrows her eyes, before nodding. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty bare. Now can we leave? We’ve got to hand in that doctor’s note so you can keep your glasses on and don’t have to do gym- you lucky bitch- and I don’t think anyone would believe we got lost, given how simple the school’s laid out.” 

“Yup, let’s get out of here.” 

I’m fighting a grin when we arrive at school pretty early to see a black vintage mustang, and I know that Jasper’s here. “That’s a cool car,” Bella comments, before we share a glance. “Rusty Red’s still better, though.” I nod, grinning. 

“For sure.” We enter the office and Mrs. Cope’s eyes widen in concern when she sees my splint. 

“What happened?” 

“Tripped. I’ve got two medical notes. Sunglasses are necessary, and no gym for me for the rest of the year.” 

“But I’m sure your hand will heal before-” 

“It’s not because of my hand. Read the note.” Mrs. Cope’s brow furrows before she reads the note and her face softens. My heart condition made it inadvisable for me to exercise heavily, as the note explains, and Mrs. Cope writes me an official notice that’ll reach Coach Clapp, dismissing me from the class. “Can I replace the class with Spanish with Mrs. Goff?” So Bella and I would share two classes back to back, before lunch, too. 

“Of course. That’s a responsible decision, but you know you could just have a free period if you’d like.” I shrug. 

“Nah, I’m good. I need to brush up on my Spanish anyway.” Mrs. Cope nods and dutifully fills out the transfer form and gives me a slip to give to my new teacher. “Thanks, Mrs. Cope. Us redheads gotta stick together.” I give an exaggerated wink behind my sunglasses, and Mrs. Cope smiles, waving me away. 

“Have a good day, girls.” Bella and I wave as we exit, and I check my watch. Ten minutes before the bell. 

“Come meet my friend Alice.” I don’t give her the chance to argue, grabbing her hand and leading her towards the extracurricular building, next to the English/History building, so she’ll be able to get to her class quickly after our meet and greet. “Hey, Dave,” I wave to the art teacher, who waves absently and goes back to strumming his guitar. Alice is sitting at our table, Jasper sitting in my seat, but standing as soon as I enter, his eyes lit up like gold in the sunlight. “Alice, this is my little sister, Bella. She’s your age. Jasper, I need to talk to you outside.” I plant my backpack in my seat, grab his wrist and lead him away, looking back to see Alice looking at Bella the way she did to that sketch from my dream and their past, Bella blushing like she predicted. “Bye, Dave,” I say, pulling Jasper down the hall. 

I find the entrance to what looks like an abandoned courtyard meant for teachers, and pull him in, pulling him into a corner out of sight from the windows, taking off my glasses and hanging them on my shirt, before pushing him up against a wall and pressing my lips to his cold ones, cupping his face in my hands. He eagerly reciprocates, one large hand cupping my neck, the other has his long fingers buried in my thick hair. My hands slide down his face, his neck, and rested on his strong shoulders as the deep kiss lightens to a softer, sweeter kiss. 

We part, not by much, both breathing deeply, and I open my eyes to see him already staring at me with so much love and adoration it makes me ache. “I’ve got something that belongs to you,” he says suddenly, and I smile, falling back on my heels as he carefully pulls a velvet pouch, and I feel tears building in my eyes as he delicately opens it and takes out the engraved gold locket, but the chain is different. Slightly shorter, but the tiny links are just as delicate as the longer original chain, only shinier. I look questioning to him, and he smiles softly. “The first chain’s clasp was too old and broke when I tested it a few days ago, so I bought this one, that should last a lot longer.” 

“Then a couple hundred years?” Jasper smiles. 

“It’s platinum, so…” I stare at him in shock. “Would you like me to put it on you?” I nod, biting my lower lip as I turned away and twisted my hair up and out of the way. 

“You took such good care of it,” I say, voice slightly choked, and I feel his cool fingertips gently stroke my neck as he clasps it, and my hand falls to the locket, polished and beautiful and a reassuring weight against my sternum. 

“It was all I had left of you,” Jasper says simply, and I close my eyes as I remember how long he went believing he’d spend eternity alone, slowly losing control of his sanity. 

“I’m so sorry,” I choke. 

“Hey, hey,” Jasper says hurriedly, gently turning me around and using the crook of his finger to lift my chin, making me meet his eyes. “Everything I went through was worth it, if just for this moment,” he says, with complete and utter sincerity. “For so long, I didn’t know why I held on, even when I was still human. But it was destiny that I should lose you for a while, so I could have you forever.” Tears drip onto my cheeks and I smile at him, and he returns it, using the edge of the sleeve of his long sleeved shirt to wipe my tears away. I know those sleeves hide years of scars he earned, and I gently grab his wrist, and attempt to roll them up. 

“You don’t want to-” I shoot him a stubborn glare and he sighs, yanking up his sleeves to reveal the many bite marks layering his skin. “I hate them,” he admits. “I hate what I became.” I gently run my fingers over the heartbreaking texture. 

“I should thank The Major, for protecting what’s mine when I couldn’t and you wouldn’t,” I tell him, staring steadily into his eyes, knowing he can feel my protectiveness and possessiveness. He swallows, staring at me as I stroke my warm fingers up his arms, to his shoulders, to wrap around his neck and lean up so my lips brush over his ear. “How should I thank him?” 

“By not having sex where some hormonal teenage boy could see you!” We hear Alice call from the doorway, and Jasper growls low in his chest and I press a kiss to his cheek as the first bell rings. “I’m staying until you two leave, because I know if I go now you won’t!” Jasper closes his eyes, his frustration literally radiating from him, and I smirk. 

“Y’know, how about I let you bring me out on a date this weekend?” Jasper’s lips quirk, and he raises his eyebrows in amusement, eyes open and amused. 

“Let me?” I nod emphatically, smirking, slipping on my sunglasses. 

“I’m a very gracious woman, I know. I’ll even let you walk me back to my class with Alice and kiss me goodbye.” Jasper offers his arm, and I curl my right arm around it, letting him lead me back in front of Dave’s class, Alice very deliberately turning to lean against the wall outside the classroom, waiting for me, watching Jaz with narrowed eyes. “Were you planning to steal me away, Jaz?” I ask, thoroughly amused. He shrugs and leans forward to press a gentle kiss to my lips. I glance at Alice and back to him. “So I guess we’ll be chaperoned by a sister in every life?” Jasper chuckles. 

“Guess so.” He lifts my right hand to his mouth to press a gentlemanly kiss to the back of it, though those eyes are full of sin. “See ya’, darlin.” I smile and watch him leave, glancing back once before he turns down the hallway. Alice sighs dreamily. 

“I can’t wait to kiss your sister in front of you, so maybe you could feel as awkward as I did during that whole exchange.” Alice curls her hand around my elbow and drags me into class. 

“Don’t lie, we’re both shameless. It’s no use.” The pixie looks disappointed because she knows I’m right. We spend the class working on our sketches, and I grab a shimmering gold marker to do Alice’s eyes, filling them up completely with gold. It’s starting to look pretty epic, and her portrait of me still makes me smirk. Dave comes around every now and then to give comments and encouragements. He reaches us in the back and smiles at Alice and I, and we both smile back. 

“Alice, you getting yourself a girlfriend?” Alice looks slightly bashful but also can’t fight her smirk. 

“Hopefully!” Dave nods, turning to me with raised eyebrows. 

“So, you got your eye on Jasper Hale, huh?” I almost say, ‘More than an eye,’ and Alice giggles into her hand. 

“You could say that,” I say instead. Dave nods, looking thoughtful.

“I’ve never seen him so relaxed until I saw him with you. No offense, Al, but I thought he was a little off. Then this one comes around, and it’s like Pygmalion and Galatea, and he’s a statue sprung to life. Was it love at first sight?” Dave whispers loudly to Alice, who giggles. 

“Oh, you know it! Jaz saw her across the classroom, and boom! That’s what real chemistry looks like- nevermind what Ms. Davis says!” Dave chuckles into his hand. 

“Yeah, Old Davy Jones has some lessons to learn on chilling out,” he says, before Alice turns to me.

“It’s a bit of a running joke, how opposite Ms. Davis and Dave are.” I nod in understanding, smirking. 

“Maybe you should paint her a pretty picture, Dave,” I say slyly, and Dave blushes, while Alice gasps. 

“You like her!” she squeals. Dave doesn’t deny it, just grins bashfully. 

“In the teacher’s lounge, she’s a snide, sarcastic bitch, and I love it.” We laugh and the bell rings and Dave takes Alice’s and my portraits, sighing. “Keep it under wraps, I’ve got a plan,” he winks, and I look to Alice, who grins. 

“It’ll work, Dave, don’t worry. Come on, Maddie, I promised Jasper I’d personally escort you to him.” I roll my eyes and we walk quickly to the English/History building, and I wave goodbye to Alice as I see Jasper leaning against the wall besides our classroom. He nods his thanks to Alice, who rolls her eyes even as she grins. Jasper leads me into class, a hand on my lower back. We sit close, as to ‘share our textbook,’ during the lecture. 

All too soon the bell rings, but Jasper insists on walking me to my next class, which I share with Bella. Walking with his arm around my shoulders through the crowded hallways is definitely an experience, given that we couldn’t be public about our affections before, and I’m guessing now that we can, Jasper’s going to take full advantage and make sure everyone knows that I belong to him, and I’m sure my hand in his back pocket should affirm the fact that he belongs to me. It used to enrage Jaz when Papa would bring round men for me to meet. I got sick just before I reached the age where I’d likely be courted and married off to the highest bidder. 

Social progress has never tasted so sweet. 

Jasper sighs as we reach my classroom and we reluctantly separate, and he hands me my backpack. “Tell Belle-”

“Bella.” 

“ _ Bella _ , that I’d like to meet her at lunch.” I nod. 

“I wanted to find my locker, so do you want to pick me up after Spanish and we can all look for it and get to know each other better? She’s as easy to get along with as Belle was.” Jasper nods. 

“I’m sure she is.” Raising my hand to his lips, he presses a slightly open mouthed kiss to my hand, before he lowers it, our hands linger loosely interlocked for a moment before I see Bella coming down the hall, and wave at her. 

“See ya later, Jaz.” He smiles and leaves, striding down the hallway that parts like the Red Sea. “Hey, Bells. Sorry I had to talk to Jasper about something this morning. How’d you like Alice?” A tell tale blush rises on her cheeks and she shakes her head, fighting a smile as we enter the classroom and go sit down. 

“She’s great,” she says as she leans towards me, “I-” Jessica Stanley interrupts. 

“Forget whatever you’re talking about- how’d you end up dating  _ Jasper Hale _ in  _ one day _ ?” I look at her very seriously. 

“I told him he could get it. And he got it.” Bella laughs and shoves my shoulder and I break into a smile. “No really. We just clicked. We’ll see how it goes.” Jessica shakes her head in disbelief. 

“It can’t be that simple.” 

“It’s not, but that’s the story I’m sticking with.” Bella gives me a curious look, and I wink at her with great exaggeration, so she can see it behind my sunglasses. She smirks slightly, shaking her head. “So, it’s just classwork today, right?” Bella nods and Jessica speaks. 

“Yeah, but no one ever does it in class. Usually everyone just talks and he gets mad and we do it for homework.” 

“Hm. Cool.” I turn to Bella. “So Alice?” Bella nods. 

“Yeah, she really liked my shirt,” Bella gestures to her dark blue button up. “Said that this color really suited me, and good women’s cut button up shirts are hard to find at an affordable price, and I was all, ‘Yeah, tell me about it!’ Because this is the only one I have that doesn’t make me look like a cardboard box if it’s not tucked in tight.” Jessica looks like she smelled something bad. 

“I heard that Alice is a lesbian, so-” Bella cuts in. 

“God, I hope so! Or else I’ll be pretty bummed.” Jessica freezes. 

“You’re-?”

“Bisexual,” Bella said, as I stared at Jessica cooly. 

“Got a problem with that, Stanley?” I ask, voice monotone, and the brunette swallows, shaking her head. 

“No- of course not. It- It’s, uh, pretty cool that you like both. I’ve got no problem with it, but some people in this town do.” I crack my knuckles in my unbroken hand. 

“Good thing I brought that baseball bat,” I say, a challenge in my voice. “Only for self defense, of course.” I cough, “ _ And tail lights _ .” Bella gasps, realization on her face. 

“You did that to Heather’s car? Maddie, what the hell?!” I shrug. 

“She was stalking you and no one would do anything about it. I saw how freaked out you were getting, saw how she harassed you, and dealt out some swift justice.” 

“Who’s Heather?” Jessica asks, looking interested. Good to know good gossip can win her over from the homophobes. 

“My ex,” Bella huffs. “I broke up with her because she hated Maddie and was so damn jealous of everyone I interacted with who might’ve had a crush on me-” 

“So everyone in the school. The head cheerleader and quarterback offered to have a threesome with her,” I say conspiriously to Jessica- who gapes, before looking at Bella with new respect. Bella goes red. 

“I didn’t accept because I wanted something more than just a physical relationship. Anyway- she was so fucking suffocating, and I broke up with her at lunch, but she freaked out and made a very public display of crying and yelling that was just-” 

“Unnecessary.” 

“Yes, and then she kept following me, for over a month, until suddenly she showed up and apologized, and left me alone. Clearly, I had no idea that Maddie threatened her with a baseball bat-” 

“I thought you just took out her tail lights?” Jessica asks, and I smirk and shrug. 

“There may have been some threatening, but I can’t quite recall.” Bella rolls her eyes. 

“Oh, I call bullshit. She was legitimately scared to interact with me, and actually transferred schools near the end of the year. I felt horrible, I thought I broke her heart-” 

“You did. Smashed it to pieces. But given it was made of stone, I wouldn’t fret too much about it.” Bella glares at me. “What? We hate each other, you already know that.” 

“So the whole ‘Everyone Wants Bella’ isn’t a new thing?” Bella’s brow furrows. 

“What do you mean?” I roll my eyes and turn to Jessica. 

“No, it’s not new. Ever since she hit puberty, people fall over themselves to be her friend and more. It’s funny to watch her scramble for excuses as to why she doesn’t reciprocate- which she has to do for most-” 

“Like you didn’t have your fair share of unrequited admirers!” I roll my eyes. 

“I only attracted assholes, so I learned to wait for someone truly caring and special. And guess what? I found him! Ha!” I stick my tongue out at her, and Jess giggles as Bella huffs. 

“You’re making it sound like I’m a slut or something!” Bella protested. “I’ve dated one person, and we only kissed. It’s not my fault that people think I’m nice or something.” I roll my eyes, turning my head towards Jess. 

“Or something,” I say blankly, and she giggles again, her eyes still on Bella. I try to hold in my amusement, because I think Bella found another admirer. I can’t wait to tell Alice how much work she’ll have, batting back the fangirls and boys. “Bella doesn’t see herself clearly,” I state the obvious. 

“Clearly,” Jessica laughs, glancing once at me then back at Bella. “What do you think you look like?” she asks curiously, and I admit, I’m also curious. 

“Average? I don’t know. I’ve got brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin. I’m kind of awkwardly tall, lanky. My face is kind of thin. Don’t forget, I’m a complete nerd,” Bella shrugs. I groan. 

“Oh my god she’s so oblivious!” Jessica is also gaping at Bella. 

“You’re literally so- so pretty! You’ve got, like, dark eyes and dark hair that contrasts how pale you are- kind of like Snow White! And you have full lips, that are kind of naturally a dark pink, and a good nose, and nice cheekbones. You’re not ‘awkwardly tall’ you’re- modelesque. You’re thin, but you’ve still got a noticeable amount of curve. I mean, Rosalie Hale is unattainably beautiful, and you’re like- the kind of beautiful that seems almost in reach, even if it’s really not.” Bella gapes at Jessica’s speech, and I smirk. Jess freezes and pink blush highlights her soft cheeks as she realizes what she just said, and how it may sound. “I mean that in like- a friend way?” Bella nods slowly, relaxing. 

“Oh good. For a second I thought you were coming onto me, and that’d be a little awkward,” she shrugs, then smiles sincerely at the curly haired brunette. “You’re a good friend, Jess.” Jessica’s flush increases as she swallows, smiling a little dumbly at Bella, a look I know as infatuation on her face. Lord, no one is safe from the charm. 

Except Jasper. 

He’s _ all mine. _


	8. Chapter 8

After I hand the slip to Mrs. Goff, she nods and sits me next to Bella, away from Jessica, which is exactly what I was hoping for. “ _ So how’d you really start dating someone you have known for one day _ ?” Bella asks me in Spanish. I smirk at the amount of people who look over at Bella’s romantic Spanish accent. 

“ _ We saw each other across the classroom and the rest is history. _ ” Bella narrows her eyes at me. 

“ _ Is that a reference to something I’m not going to get until you tell me _ ?” I nod, smiling brightly. 

“Yup!” I say in English. Bella taps something aggressively into the table, and I roll my eyes when I translate it into (I H8 U). “ _ You are just pouting because I know something that you don’t _ .” I finish my response in Spanish, and Mrs. Goff comes up to us, a grin on her tan face. 

“You both speak such flawless Spanish! Where did you learn?” 

“Arizona,” we say at the same time. I explain further, “We had a lot of Mexican friends and classmates growing up, so we just kind of learned it because of proximity.” Mrs. Goff nods in understanding, still smiling. 

“That explains the accents. You have learned to do what many wish they could. You speak like a native! Is there a bit of Italian in your accents, as well?” I nod. 

“Yeah, our mom’s mom, Marie, is Italian. Since I was sick a lot as a kid she helped out our mom, and she’d only speak in Italian when Mom wasn’t around, so we learned it when we were learning English.” Mrs. Goff is absolutely beaming. 

“I raised my children the same way, speaking Spanish, French, and English. It’s nice to meet fellow Trilinguals.” Bella and I share a look. 

“Does morse code count as a language?” Bella asks innocently, and Mrs. Goff laughs as we grin back at her. 

“You are both exceptional girls! I am glad to covet you both in my class! Expect some extra credit assignments!” As she walks away to teach basic pronunciation to the rest of the class, and slump with relief in my chair. 

“I’m so glad she’ll give us more than High School Spanish assignments.” Bella nods in agreement. Soon enough the bell rings, and we wave goodbye to Mrs. Goff and I beam when I see Jasper waiting across the hall, leaning against the wall, and he grins back at me as I push through the crowd to get to him, jumping into his embrace and holding him as tight as I’m able. I turn my head to the side and press a gentle kiss to his neck at the same time that I feel his lips against my temple. The hallway empties quickly, with the rush to lunch. 

“Wow,” I hear behind me, and I reluctantly pull away to tuck myself into his left side, my right hand slipping into his back pocket as we face Bella, who’s got the same look that Belle had when I finally introduced her to Jasper after almost two whole years of sneaking around. “You guys are in  _ love  _ love.” Jasper laughs, and I grin, because she’d said something similar when she was Belle. 

“Oh I don’t know about that,” I tease Jasper, and he looks down at me, eyebrows raised at my tone. “He’s okay, I guess.” He presses his free hand to his heart, but he can’t stop smiling. 

“You wound me, darlin’.” 

“Oh. Okay.” We turn to Bella in question, and she shrugs lightly. “You have a southern accent. You’re built. Your name’s Jasper. And you’re a gentleman. You’re her dream man.” I bite my lower lip, because she’s right on target. “Literally, I’m guessing? That’s why you jumped in.” I nod slowly. “And there’s more that I’m missing, right?” I nod again, and she sighs before smiling calmly at the both of us, seeming a bit resigned. “Will you tell me, eventually?” 

“Yeah, or you’ll figure it out first.” She nods and before we can talk further, Alice’s voice comes from down the hallway. She’s wearing a wide grin as she skips towards Bella. 

“Hi Babe!” I raise an eyebrow as Alice wraps a cold arm around Bella’s waist, who smiles awkwardly at us. 

“The first thing she said to me was, ‘We’re going to be girlfriends,’ and I was like, ‘Okay?’ ‘Cause I thought she meant it when straight girls say it, but I’m starting to think she didn’t. So, I guess we’re both taken within two days of school by these two possessive weirdos.” I raise an eyebrow at Alice, who shrugs beautifully, beaming up at Bella, who seems happily resigned to her fate. 

“You’re cool with it? Oh who am I kidding, nothing bothers you.” Bella shrugs and my stomach growls, loudly, and Jasper gets a look on his face, like he’s just accepted another risky mission. Oh, no he better not- “You are not paying for my lunch, Jasper!” Alice drags Bella ahead of us as Jasper stops us, both his hands on my shoulders. 

“Darlin’, we’re married. My money is your money. We didn’t get a prenup, and besides, I couldn’t provide for you then, but I can now, so you’re going to let me.” He kisses my cheek and tucks me into his side with minimal grumbling on my part. What surprises me when we get to the lunch room is not that Alice and Bella are sitting next to each other, but the fact that they’re sitting at Jess’s table. Also, Alice is feeding Bella fruit, and a lot of people are watching, jealousy in their eyes. Jasper winces, “Lord, there’s a lot of jealousy going around.” I sigh. 

“Yeah, that’d be Bella.” I lead Jasper towards the line and we pick up my food before Jasper leads me towards Rosalie and Emmett, sitting silently to the side, watching Alice and Bella interact. Emmett’s clearly fighting a grin, and it takes over his face when he sees Jasper and I approaching, arms wrapped around each other’s waist, and Jasper carrying my tray, that we were going to ‘share.’ “Hey, I’m Madeline, this guy’s reincarnated wife. What’s up?” Emmett barks a laugh and Rosalie narrows her eyes slightly at me, and I feel Jasper’s low growl, rather than hear it. Rosalie immediately ducks her head as Jasper pulls out my chair and I sit, him sitting and dragging my chair closer to his, so that way our thighs touch. 

I begin to eat my chicken nuggets, when Emmett asks, sounding concerned, “Is your hand okay?” I pause, glancing once at Jasper’s pained face, before looking back at Emmett. 

“Yeah, I’m good. It’ll heal fine. Thanks for helping Jasper out yesterday, I didn’t have my memories.” Emmett nods. 

“No problem. Now, am I the only one that Edward is asking to keep an eye on Bella?” Rosalie rolls her eyes and Jaz tilts his head. “He texted me he’s coming home this weekend, and I’m pretty sure it’s not because he wants to meet Wifey. He can’t read her mind and it’s driving him crazy. Crazier than normal.” I snort. 

“Everyone loves Bella. No one should be surprised that there's more than one immortal vying for her attention. She’s a goddess walking among men, and people know she’s something special, they just don’t really know why or how.” Rosalie looks disgusted. 

“Goddess? I wouldn’t call-” I raise an eyebrow and she falls silent, before I turn to Jasper. 

“What was your other nickname, other than The Major, that they called you, even when you were human?” Jasper looks at me with surprise. 

“God of War, what-” I smile. 

“There’s a reason that we’ve found each other, that Belle and I were reborn, and it’s got to do with a religion lost to time. We were Gods. You, the God of War. Me, the Goddess of Justice. Bella, Goddess of Protection. But, when the religion began to die, so did the gods. Bella protected our souls from true death, and we’d be reborn until we could achieve immortality once more. When we were born the last time, my mother saw that you would achieve immortality without me, so she cast a spell that when we met in my next life, I’d remember all she’d hidden in my subconscious.” Jasper stares at me, and I know it’s clicking in his mind. 

“What happens once we all achieve immortality?” I sigh. 

“I don’t know, but judging by you…” 

“What do you mean, judging by Jasper?” Rosalie asks, actual curiosity in her face. 

“Jasper’s the most feared vampire currently in existence, just as he was one of the most feared Old Gods.” I smile at my husband, who’s gazing at me softly. “So, just look at Bella,” we turn our heads toward my sister, where she’s talking quietly to Alice, who’s looking up at her with adoring eyes. “She was an adored Goddess, with a large amount of loving worshippers, and I bet when she turns, she will be just as adored, and her shield power will grow.” I sigh sadly, and Jasper looks back to me, projecting concern. “I’m weak in this body, so I’m unsure what powers I could obtain.” 

“I wouldn’t call you weak,” Emmett said, and when I turned my gaze to him, he smiles at me with reassurance and an edge of nerves. “You’ve got the most dangerous vampire alive prepared to quite literally do anything for you, and I bet your glare is something of legend, if the rest of your face can convey the fact that whoever under it should be scared.” I smile slightly and nod my thanks to Emmett as Jasper squeezes my hand, and I look to him. 

“Your eyes, when you show them, are- striking. They’re the same blue as the hottest of flames, and you echo that fierceness in everything you do. Whether it’s protecting your sister, dealing out justice you only have to justify to yourself, or simply loving me… I know I’ve thought you were a goddess since I first saw you at thirteen, when you stamped the foot of that boy who touched you, instead of telling your father, the Sheriff, who would’ve shot him for you.” I felt a blush rise on my cheeks. 

“You didn’t tell me you saw that…” Jasper grins and presses a kiss to my forehead, pulling me into his side, leaning down to whisper. 

“It was the most attractive thing I had ever seen. The passion in your eyes when you told him off politely after you broke his toes and a part of his foot…” Jasper’s eyes are dark, and I smirk slightly, feeling the same satisfaction I felt when that groper’s foot crunched under my heel. “The victory in your eyes was electric…” I grin up at him, shrugging. 

“He got what he deserved.” 

“Damn straight.” I narrow my eyes at Jasper, and he shrugs, trying to seem innocent, “I may have beaten the shit out of him that evening for touching a girl like that, and it just so happened that you became my girl.” 

“Lord, I love you.” Jasper smirks, and Emmett laughs, and Rosalie is actually smiling. 

“You broke his foot?” I nod. 

“I was right! Justice wounds, War kills.” 

“How do you know he died?” Jasper asks innocently. 

“Well, didn’t he?” 

“It was natural causes.” I raise an eyebrow. “He saw me a few months later and had a heart attack. Not my fault.” I laugh, and when I look at Emmett and Rosalie, they seem a bit uneasy, though they’re both chuckling. 

“I know now how scary you can be, Jasper,” Emmett comments, and continues when we look at him. “Yesterday, when he realized that Alice knew he was going to hurt you, he got- dangerous. He was projecting this protective rage so strongly that it made me feel- sick, for the first time in my existence. I couldn’t stop him if he wanted to go at Allie, it was like I was paraliyzed from the intensity of the emotion. I didn’t know you could do that.” Jasper’s brow furrows. 

“I didn’t know I could do that, either. I’m sorry I couldn’t control what I was projecting, when it comes to Maddie-” Emmett waves him off, though Rosalie looks ticked. 

“Dude, it was weird, but once you were gone, it went away. Don’t worry about it.” Rosalie’s eyebrows fly up. 

“Don’t worry about it!? He lost control of the power he’s had for two hundred years, and we’re just brushing-” 

“Rosalie,” I cut in, and she stops. “I know you’re concerned, but I think this influx of power may be because we’ve been apart for longer than we ever should have, him alive and me nonexistent, so when we found each other again, he got a piece of himself he’d lost when I died,” I squeeze his hand and he smiles lovingly down at me, and his other hand reaches upwards to tuck my hair behind my ear and press a kiss to my cheek. “I love you, Jaz,” I whisper, and he grins and whispers it back to me as the dismissal bell rings. “Bye Emmett, Rosalie. It was nice to meet you.” 

“You two definetly deserve one another,” Rosalie smiles, slightly stiff, as Emmett leads her away from us. I furrow my brow, looking up at Jasper, who just shrugs. 

English we spend watching Romeo and Juliet in the dark, which could’ve been romantic if I wasn’t roasting them the entire time. “Oh wow, a secret relationship for a week, how quaint.” Jasper muffles his laughter in his hand and I smile up at him. “What? We kept it under wraps for years, babe.” 

He shakes his head at me, raising a finger to my lips to keep my quiet. If it was anyone else, I would’ve slapped their hand away, but since it was Jasper, I kissed his fingertip, and when he looked at me, that damn eyebrow raised, I bit the tip of his finger, causing his eyes to darken tellingly. I wink at him and push his hand away from my face, and focus back on the movie, though I notice that Jasper’s projecting his lust, and I amusedly look around the classroom as he stares at me. Everyone’s shifting awkwardly in their chairs, and when it comes to the single sex scene, I decide to tell him. “You’re projecting, babe.” He freezes, and the heat that had built in the room turns blessedly cool like a spray of cold water, but the steady stream keeps fluctuating with uncontrolled spurts of warmth. “You can keep projecting on me if it helps,” I whisper as I see him struggling to control, and he takes my hand and there’s a wave of a different sort. Heat washes over me again, this time a lot stronger, and I have to hold in a moan. As he lets out what’s built up in his struggle, my panties grow damp and I have to cross my legs and fight a blush. I need to ask Alice to distract Bella after school. 

Eventually he eases up and relaxes again, until it’s just a sensual hug of hormones, and less oppressive, but I am still sufficiently turned on. Damn him. Should’ve just let him paralyze the school with lust. 

No, that’d be wrong. I mean, it would be, but still. A little satisfaction would be nice. All his UST is making me feel uncharacteristically flustered. I lean towards him to breath into his ear, “We’re skipping last period and going to my house, got it?” He stills and inhales deeply, his eyes pitch black as he nods quickly in agreement, swallowing. 

When the class ends, a lot of people rush out, flustered, and I notice in the hallway that other people are acting the same way. How far did Jasper’s emotional projection reach? “It covered the whole school,” comes from Alice, whose eyes are dark as she leads us towards an abandoned courtyard, dragging us to a secluded corner. “Jasper, you need to leave with Maddie.” Alice licks her lips, “This will continue to be uncontrollable, so you’ve got to project onto your mate, because right now I’m fighting the urge to go pounce on Bella, and Rosalie and Emmett ran into the woods within five minutes. Your effect on vampires has always been stronger, but right now it’s- demanding. Like you’re overloading us with this command of ‘Feel This’ and there’s nothing we can do to fight it. Your range is getting more powerful by the hour.” 

“What does that mean?” I ask, feeling a bit frightened. Jasper soothes me slightly and I squeeze his hand in thanks as Alice looks sad. 

“The only way he’ll find balance again is if- you turn.” I freeze. Oh. I hadn’t thought of exactly what it means to find Jasper in this life. What it means to be connected by our souls. Of course he’s unbalanced, half of his soul is still a fumbling human while the rest of him has ascended towards deity. I knew I’d be turned, eventually. I knew Bella would be, too, logically. But what it means, really, is faking my death. I won’t ever see my mom again. Or Dad, who was so excited to have us home at last. It was so much easier to face death at sixteen, because I knew I wouldn’t be there to see the aftermath. 

“How long?” I ask, voice choked. Jasper is clearly being affected by my devastation, but I can’t stop what I’m feeling- I need the pain. The reminder that I have to deal with consequences, no matter what they are. Alice swallows. 

“It has to be in no more than two weeks, or the Voltori will take notice.” Two weeks, that’s long enough for someone to succumb to a bad case of- “That’s what I was thinking. We can ‘fake’ a case of pneumonia, have Carlisle treat you at home. We’ll say you felt ill today, and Jasper brought you home. Have an evening with your family, and leave some clues. Say that the tightness in your sinuses grew terribly the next morning, and you’ll insist it’s just a cold. During World History, you’ll ‘fake’ a debilitating migraine, saying the pressure in your face is horrible, ‘fake’ some vertigo, and Jasper will hurriedly bring you to Carlisle, who will run some ‘tests,’ with the result being a bad case of pneumonia.” I close my eyes, remembering my family’s devastation when they watched me dying at sixteen. 

How it destroyed them. 

Jasper groans like someone just punched the breath from his lungs and wraps his arms around me, trying in vain to comfort me. But I don’t think anything could make me feel anything but horrible. “How long will I have to pretend? How could we pull off a convincing case? They know what I look like when I’m dying.” Alice bites her lip, eyes flickering significantly to Jasper. 

“No,” he groans. “I- I can’t make her feel like that-” Alice glares at him fiercely. 

“You have no choice! She can sleep for most of it, but you’ve got to, Jasper. It has to be done this way,” Alice looks like she should be crying, “Or your parents would search and search, listlessly, for the rest of their lives.” I close my eyes with grief. It’s crushing me, and it’s only Jasper supporting me as tears stream down my cheeks, and I feel sobs catching in my throat. “The only good thing- is that Bella can know. I’ve seen it. Since she’s already experienced you- you dying, she can pretend convincingly.” Alice looks away. “She’s going to ‘pretend’ to be fine, and then we’re planting her truck near a cliff, with a suicide note.” 

“Oh Lord,” I cry into my hands, Jasper holding me in his lap, cradled in his arms, “My dad, my mom-” 

“Will be devastated. But there’s nothing we can do now. It- It all happened too fast. I couldn’t see it coming and now everything’s screwed up, but-” Jasper cuts Alice’s hysterical ramble off.

“Alice, it’s not your fault. It’s- It’s mine.” I look up at my husband, and take in a shuddering breath as I take off my sunglasses, squinting against the grey light. 

“Jasper, look at me.” He does, and freezes when he meets my exposed eyes, probably bloodshot and swollen but still the color of the center of the hottest of flames. “You survived your own version of hell for me… It’s time I return the favor.” 


	9. Chapter 9

It goes exactly by our plan, but it’s still utter hell. 

The night before it truly begins, I bring Bella to my bedroom, and sit her down, and tell her the truth. The whole truth. I know she believes me even before I whisper for Alice to come and explain the plan to Bella, who begins to cry silently as it becomes clear what’s at stake. She reiterates it in an empty voice. “So, I’ll be forced to watch my sister die slowly like when you were sixteen, and after you die, pretend I’m fine before we fake my suicide?” I nod, choking on the sobs in my chest. Bella stares at me for a long moment, before looking to Jasper. “I knew you were familiar.” I startle them with a laugh that’s mostly a sob, and Bella smiles tearfully. “I’ll do anything, if it means you’ll finally have your happy ending.” I lung forward and hug her tight, and we sob into each other’s shoulders as the two immortals who love us watch helplessly. 

I sit in the emergency room hospital bed, after Dr. Cullen- Carlisle insists he treat me himself, since I was the one to bring out the caring heart hidden within his stoic foster son. Jasper quietly begs for my forgiveness as he projects a fraction of the misery he saw me suffer through on my deathbed the first time. My skin immediately begins to heat, a cold sweat beading at my temples, my head pounding fiercely, my lungs aching and heavy. Jasper sobs into his hands as Carlisle goes to make the call to my father, his eyes pained as he leaves us. 

I can hear the sirens, and I squint in the darkened room when I hear my loving father beg Carlisle to tell him he’s lying. “No!” I hear him deny. “No! Don’t- Don’t tell me that- that she’s-! Just don’t- Don’t-” He breaks off into sobs, right outside my door, and Jasper quickly sedates me, only bringing me from darkness when my father has calmed, and someone has changed me into a hospital gown. Dad sits by my bedside, holding my hand with red rimmed eyes. Jasper isn’t in the room, but I know he’s near. I can feel it, after all. 

I squeeze my father’s hand weakly, and his head shoots up. “Hey Maddie, how’re-” he swallows, “How’re you feeling, sweetheart?” I swallow around my dry throat, and my voice comes out low and hoarse. 

“Bad,” I close my eyes, and my voice is choked with tears. “It’s bad, isn’t it?” I open my eyes and make myself look at the tears running down my father’s face. 

“Yeah,” he sighs, a deep resignation in his eyes, “Yeah, honey it is.” I close my eyes as I grimace. 

“Where’s Bella?” I ask. Dad licks his lips. 

“She’s picking up your Mom from the airport.” I blink slowly. 

“How long have I been…” 

“About a day. Your friend Jasper brought you here in the morning, when you passed out in your history class. You said- you thought you might have a cold the night before, and it escalated quickly from there, I’m- I’m told.” I nod slowly. I know he’s beating himself up for not insisting on bringing me to the doctor before. 

“Where is… Where’s Jasper?” I ask, and he freezes, and I remember what Bella said about my feverish delusions. Dad shakes himself, clearing his throat, though his voice is still hoarse. 

“He’s sitting in the hallway. He’s been real respectful, and I don’t think he’s gone home once. His sister brought him clothes earlier, and I- I saw Dr. Cullen try to console him earlier, and he was- crying.” My lips pinch and I don’t fight the tears that stream down my heated cheeks, feeling almost cold in comparison to my fever. “He- He seems like a good kid,” Dad whispers, squeezing my hand, and I smile sadly, tiredly, feeling increasingly detached. 

“When I first saw him… I thought I was dreaming. Isn’t he the most beautiful boy you’ve ever seen? I want to marry him…” I can’t control what I’m saying much, ‘cause I’m dying, but my Lord, do I love my husband. “He’s got- such a beautiful smile, have you seen it? It’s like the sun, it’s so warm and bright, Dad… you wouldn’t believe it…” My eyes lose the fight against gravity and I fall back into too deep a sleep. 

When I wake up, Mom’s by my side. “Mommy,” I slur, and her head shoots up from her hands, and she scoots her chair forward. “Why’re you here?” She looks sad. Why’s she so sad? “Why are you sad…? Where’s … Phil- Phillip. He makes you smile…” 

“Oh baby,” she cooes, though tears shine bright like stars in her galaxy eyes. “You’re sick, honey. You’re really sick.” I pause, my brow furrowed in confusion.

“Again?” Mom’s lips pinch. 

“Yeah, honey. Again. It’s just all happening so fast…” I suddenly remember something. 

“I wanna be incinerated,” I say randomly, and Mom looks at me with concern. 

“What honey?” I blink the tiredness from my eyes. 

“When I die- don’t interrupt please- I want to be… burned. Not buried. I’ve lived too much of my life in the dark.” Mom’s eyes glitter with tears as she wipes my sweaty hair away from my face. “I want to be a star,” I whisper brokenly as I stare listlessly into her eyes. “I wanna burn.” Tears stream down her tan cheeks. “I don’t want to look like this anymore.” It’s amazing how close I resemble her, and yet, how completely different I look. I’ve always been too weak for my liking. 

“Okay, baby. If that’s what you want.” I nod sleepily, and fall back into too deep sleep. When I wake up, she’s still there, but looks- bad, still. She’s talking quietly to- 

“Jasper?” I whisper, and his head shoots to look at him, and he glances once at Mom before taking my cold hand in his. It almost… It almost feels like the same temperature. Just- harder. “Jasper, are we getting married?” He freezes, and smiles, looking like he’d be crying if he could. 

“Sure are, Maddie. As soon as we get out of here.” I smile sleepily. 

“We’ll get hitched. Don’t tell Mom, she doesn’t like weddings. She- she barely tolerated her own- and she  _ love-loves  _ Phil.” Jasper smiles tearfully, ducking his head for a moment to sob into his hand, and I squeezed his hand, concerned. “Hey, don’t cry, Jaz… It’s okay, that- that we won’t get married. It’s okay, really.” Jasper’s brow furrows as he looks up at me. 

“No, no. We’ll do it, Maddie…” His voice softens, becoming more dream like, “Bella will be your maid of honor, Alice will be my best man, and your dad will walk you down the aisle-” 

“Papa doesn’t like you, though,” I interrupt, slurring in my southern accent, and he freezes. 

“What?” A woman who looks like she could be my mother puts a hand on his shoulder. 

“Jasper, honey, she did this last time… She-” 

“Jasper who is that?” I ask suddenly, and the woman begins to cry, “Jasper, make her less sad,” I whisper to him, leaning further into my pillow. “I bet- she’s… got a beautiful smile.” I fall asleep once more. 

When I wake up, I’m surrounded by people, and I only recognize Belle and Jasper. “Belle... ” she looks up with red-rimmed eyes. “Where are we?” She bites her lower lip, and Jasper moves forward, squeezing my hand. “Jaz, what happened to your eyes?” I whisper, weakly raising my trembling hand to brush the bruises skin under his pitch black eyes, before I drop it onto my lap, brows furrowing as the room stops swimming so much. “Mom, Dad?” They both eagerly move forward, and Jasper falls back. “I…” tears begin to blur my vision. “I don’t feel good,” I whisper, “I think I’m going to go to sleep, but I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to leave anyone behind,” I begin to cry in earnest, and soon I can’t breath, and someone rushes over and straps a mask to my face, which helps me breath, and I attempt to focus on my parents, who have tears running down their devastated faces, and I know they’re going to try to comfort me. 

“We’ll be okay,” Mom whispers, “We’ll miss you so much, but- but we’ll be okay.” Dad leans over me, smiling despite the pain in his eyes, so much like Bella’s. 

“You can sleep, sweetheart,” he whispers, and I smile hazily as sleep at last consumes me. 

I hear people sobbing. I hear Bella crying, “My sister! My sister! Maddie- come back! Come back!” They wheel my body away, and then there’s a lot of wind, before I can open my eyes, I feel Jasper’s lips against my neck, where he presses a tender kiss, before he opens his mouth and bites me and-

I become the fire. 


	10. Bella

My sister is alive. 

I have to remind myself over and over, because I’m surrounded by a reality that tells me differently. My family, missing one member, sits numbly at the front row of a local chapel. Jasper isn’t here, I remember distantly. They said he couldn’t get out of bed. Mrs. Cullen told us quietly that Jasper is taking the death of his only friend outside his family badly. Dr. Cullen is staying home to help console him, but it looks like he won’t be going back to school. Alice is somewhere behind me with her other siblings. There’s a lot of people from school who I can’t look at without hearing Maddie’s voice saying something like, ‘They’re here for you, not me,’ and I feel disgusting, because I know it’s true. None of them but Jessica have actually truly talked to her. 

There’s people from the reservation. People from town. A few teachers, from Phoenix and Forks. All of them, who don’t really know her. 

Mom and Dad sit on either side of me, and I’m supposed to sit here and listen as people go up and talk about my sister (who is alive) like she is dead. A preacher stands before us, and the knowledge that Maddie hadn’t ever stepped inside this church, nevermind met the preacher personally, makes me feel sick. In a short while, it’ll be my turn to go up and pretend my sister’s dead. My older sister, Maddie. Maddie, my older sister. My best friend. My protector. A girl who wanted to shield me from the world with her very soul, a living ball of flame. “I want to be a star,” she used to say when we were kids, sitting with Nana Marie outside, staring up at the endless Arizona sky, when we were young and hopeful and mostly untouched by tragedy. 

“You are a star!” I’d tell her. “You’re  _ my  _ star!” 

All too soon, it’s my turn to stand before the people. Mom and Dad can’t handle the pressure of attempting to describe their little girl to a crowd of strangers and friends, people who knew them but not Her, and since the strongest of us isn’t here, I step up. 

“My sister,” I speak in a low, pained voice. “My sister was the strongest person I knew. She’d been struggling against sickness her whole life, and- and-” I feel tears grow in my eyes and quietly crush my speech in trembling fists, bowing my head for a long moment, before speaking from the heart. “All she wanted to be when we were kids was a star. All she wanted was to shine brightly, forever. All she asked for Christmas and for her birthday, was to live a long, happy life- because even as a child she knew that her hold on this plain was precarious. But- she didn’t hold on for herself. She held on for me, because she knew that to me, she was a star. She was my star. The center of my universe. A ball of fire so many were too afraid to try and touch, too cowardly to be anything but a distant stranger- but you know what? I let her come close. I let her burn me, and I would burn alive for the rest of my life if it meant-” I deflate. “If it meant she was... still here.” I close my eyes, and I feel small, cool hands on my shoulders, and I feel Alice lead me out of the small church, and I feel her arms wrap me in strong, sure hug that I desperately needed. 

I sob into her shoulder, and she cradles the back of my neck gently, whispering, “You did so good, Bella. You did so good. In three days, we’ll call Jasper and you can talk to her, okay? She’s not gone, she’s still alive, we just have to pretend for a while.” I shudder and just hold onto Alice tightly, thankful for her presence. 

“They knew her for less than three days, and they- they think they can  _ understand _ -” I sob into her neck, and Alice shushes me gently, stroking my dirty hair. 

“No one knows Maddie like you, Bella. No one could possibly know how you feel. Except maybe Jaz, ‘cause he knows her from his human life… But he’s not her sister. He doesn’t have to pretend to be coping, surrounded by pity. You’re so strong, Bella. Hold on for three weeks, and then we’ll bring you home to her. Okay? Can you do that, Bella?” She gently pulls back, looking me in the eyes. I swallow and nod, and Alice smiles sadly, gently tucking my hair away from my face. “Good, good.” Alice stares at my lips for a moment, before I suddenly lean forward and brush them against her’s, taking her by surprise. 

“Thank you, Alice,” I whisper as we separate, “I don’t know what’d I do without you.” Alice smiles softly, nodding. “You’ll- stay, right? I- I don’t want to be alone.” The vampire nods. 

“I talked to Charlie, and I’m going to stay with you for a week, officially, and then just visit you at night in secret. Then, after two weeks…” I nod in understanding. I’ll commit suicide. I felt close to suicide when I was fifteen, when Maddie first got really sick and prospects were bleak, I made plans to follow, so it wasn’t out of character. If anything, it’s probably what I’d actually do if Maddie was really dead and gone for good. 

The day seems to drag on forever, until Alice drives me home, and I stare blankly at Maddie’s door, before Alice leads me to my room which I hadn’t slept in since I arrived in Forks. I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, when Alice begins to sing a song I recognize as ‘I’ve Been Waiting For You’ by ABBA. I know this, because it was one of Maddie’s favorite songs. 

I go through two days of school, walking the halls like a ghost, sitting with Alice and her family at lunch. Her brother, Edward, attempts to draw me into conversation by asking me random questions which I answer noncommentadly, which seems to frustrate him and amuse his siblings, who all play their parts perfectly. 

I can’t be bothered to notice the details of their performances, too wrapped up in my own mind, that is simply amazed at how much light and laughter Maddie brought with her, wherever she goes. That night, Alice hands me her cell phone, and I hesitantly lift it to my ear. “Maddie?” I whisper. 

“Bella!” says a voice that sounds like my sister’s low voice, just- caramelized. Made slightly sweeter, smoother. Like the way people describe whiskey sometimes. “Bella?” I realize I’d begun to cry. I sniff. 

“Sorry, I- I just missed you so much. I don’t know what to do with myself without you here.” I hear her sigh, and even that sounds slightly sweeter. Less tired. 

“Yeah, I’m in alright company, but I miss my sister.” There’s rushing sound and then she speaks again. “Your speech was beautiful.” I smile. 

“You liked it? It was very emotionally driven,” I say dryly, and she chuckles softly. 

“Yeah… It definitely makes it easier to believe you would commit suicide… Even thinking of you throwing your life away like that makes me feel sicker than I did when I was sixteen.” I stay silent, and something must be telling, because she sighs. “You would do it, if I was really gone, wouldn’t you?” 

“I wanted to do it the first time around, but you lived.” Her breath hitches. 

“Bella-” 

“But you’re not dead, and that’s what’s important. I’ll turn and I’ll be able to hug you too tight and we’ll be together forever.” She sighs softly. 

“Yeah, yeah we will. I love you, Bella, so much. You need to get some sleep.” I bite my lip. 

“I keep having nightmares that it’s real. That you’re- that you’re really gone.” 

“Yeah… Alice told me. Soon you won’t be able to sleep at all, if that helps.” I snort, shaking my head. 

“What will I do with my time if I’m not having nightmares?” I can hear the smirk in her voice. 

“Well, I know someone I’m going to be doing-” I laugh. 

“I don’t think Alice and I are there yet.” 

“Yeah, she’s not the only one that wants to be done by you.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Edward is… intrigued by you.” I narrow my eyes in thought. 

“But I’m with Alice?” She laughs softly. 

“Alice has recently seen that you’ll want both of them, eventually, and they talked it out, and they’ve decided they could share you.” I freeze. 

“What? Share me? Like a toy?” 

“No! Like a polyamorous relationship. They’d both be with you, but not each other. Unless you want to watch then I’m sure-” 

“Okay, next topic.” She laughs, and it’s such a familiar, comforting sound that I feel the tension in my shoulders melt away. 

“Fine- do you wanna know what my power is?” 

“You’ve already discovered it?” 

“Yup!” 

“What is it?” 

“Fire.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah, my eyes turn blue and I glow like a supernova if I do something big, but I can just look at stuff and make it burst into blue flames, officially making me the most dangerous vampire alive. And, the fire I create can’t hurt me, and I can will what it burns and what it leaves. Isn’t that cool?” 

“You’re literally a star,” I say dumbly. “I can’t wait to see it.” She laughs. 

“Prepare for an eternity of me showing off and dealing out justice.” I answer honestly. 

“I can’t wait.” I look down at my desk, and see the drafts of my suicide note. My eyes fall on one phrase I feel in my soul, and I smile. 

_ ‘She was a star, and I am the planet obliterated in her supernova.’  _

  
  


**THE END.**

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think in the comment section below! :-)


End file.
